I was trying to put as much distance between myself and my mind as possible. Why? Because my mind is bad. Bad, bad, bad. Very bad. It’s a bad mind. You say, ‘that’s your problem then and I hope you don’t want me to do anything about it. You’ll just have to deal with it yourself. My mind’s good. My mind’s a super mind. Always as good as gold. Very helpful. Smart too, don’t you know.’ So off you go – you’re not going to hang around talking to me, me with my bad mind. Me with my rotten, stinking mind. And I wouldn’t like you to be in any doubt about that – it’s a real stinker of a mind. A real old stinker. The worst of the worst. I couldn’t even begin to explain.

Say hello to my mind, I say. Say hello, why don’t you? Introduce yourself. Throw in a few pleasantries, if you’re up to it. Engage in a bit of small talk. That’s the done thing, after all. The halibut are biting well this year, are they not? The birds are flying well – flying better than they ever did. Did you ever see them fly so well? Did you ever, did you ever. Making the small talk, making the small talk. Talking about the things, talking about the things. The good old things. The fish are swimming very well this year – I’ve never seen them swimming so well. Expressing yourself is very important too – saying what you mean. If you know what you mean. Not everyone does of course. Not everyone does.

Say hello to my mind. Say hello to my mind – won’t you stop for a chat? Where are you going in such a hurry anyway? Not that there’s much to say, I suppose. Not a lot to say. Little enough to say. The jam’s awfully sweet this year, isn’t it? I wonder if anyone’s been putting anything in it. I hear the government’s involved. There’s a government cover up going on but no one will admit to it. No one will say a word. Keeping schtum. They’ll never tell you a thing – they’ll see you die first. They’ll right walk by you and you dying in a ditch. As if they’d care. Which they never would. There’s a government conspiracy going on you say. They say someone put something in something else. The birds are singing well this season aren’t they? I’ve never heard them in such good voice. That’s a cover up too of course. It’s all a cover up.

No one tells the truth anymore – that’s something I’ve noticed it. I spotted that straight away. People say I never know what’s going on but that’s where they’re wrong. They’re wrong, they’re wrong, they’re wrong. They’re all so wrong. There couldn’t be wronger. No one tells the truth anymore; no one tells the truth but no one will admit it. No one will admit to anything these days. They wouldn’t admit it if their lives depended upon it. Stubborn isn’t the word. Stubborn and mean with it – they wouldn’t give you the steam off their piss. The dirty bastards. They wouldn’t sell it to you either, or if they did they’d overcharge you. That’s always the way isn’t it. There’s a conspiracy going on but no one will talk about it. Tight lips all around. Folk just aren’t very friendly around here. They’ll look at you alright but they won’t say anything. They’ll put you wrong as soon as look at you.

How do you run away from your mind anyway? That’s what I’d like to know. It’s not as easy as it sounds. I know a few tricks though, I’ve got a good few tricks up my sleeve. You have to be a bit wily in this game you see – you have to learn a few tricks, a few dodges, a few sneaky moves. You act as if you’re going to say one thing and then you say another. You act as if you’re going to think something but then you don’t. You keep them guessing. You say you’re going to do one thing but then you do another. You say hello but then you walk away in a huff. It’s awful tiring though – your very soul feels as if it’s tired. That’s what I’ve got I reckon – I’ve got soul fatigue. How to describe it? How to convey the essence of this terrible condition? I try my best to tell the truth but people always say that I’m lying. I try to be bright and breezy but then people say that I’m getting them down…