From time to time I make these feeble little attempts to escape from the gravitational pull of my own hideous laziness. Putting my serious face on, telling myself that this time I really mean it. This never lasts very long of course but at the time I would be very earnest about it. I’d be all about it. This is it now, I’d tell myself. This is it. I’m going to turn things around for good this time. I’m done with all the old crap.
Pathetic sporadic little attempts, useless sporadic little attempts, weak and ineffectual little sporadic attempts. Half-hearted stupid little attempts. So if you want the story of my life then that is pretty much it, up to now anyway. And I don’t expect it to change. Although – on reflection – you probably didn’t want the story of my life. Why would you? It’s not exactly inspirational reading, as you can no doubt tell. It’s not exactly going to put you into a positive headspace. Everyone likes stories of people who have beaten the odds and have despite, their unfortunate circumstances, managed to turn it around, as they say. That’s the real feel-good factor obviously, and we all – very predictably I might add – like the feel-good factor. We love it so much. If it weren’t for the old FGF where would we be?
Sporadic feeble half-hearted little attempts to find some modicum of freedom and self-respect – that’s me in a nutshell. Very sporadic attempts and dismally feeble too – you wouldn’t believe how feeble. So very feeble. Not actually worth the effort in the first place! It’s hard for me to get any FGF out of that, no matter how many books on positive thinking I read! It’s hard, but I do manage all the same so I suppose I should give myself credit for that. I don’t know how I do it but I do. So right at the beginning stages of each sporadic feeble attempt to escape from the hideous gravitational pull of my own laziness there is all this ludicrous grandiosity going on, all this stupid old gimmicky talk, all this gung-ho ‘I can do it’ arrogant bullshit. And then there’s the next stage which is where the whole thing sort of just fizzles out and is never mentioned again. That’s the decent thing to do you see – show a bit of delicacy and tact and say nothing about it ever again. Put it to bed, so to speak. Put it to bed and leave it there. Leave it there forever. Draw a line under it. No one wants to go raking around in that after all. Let sleeping dogs lie because if you wake them they might bite you.
That’s life anyway, that’s how it goes. That’s the story. We have to understand the very real necessity to make these sporadic feeble little attempt to do something about the situation. They serve a valuable function, let us say. they serve the valuable function of allowing us to have a bit of self-respect and I think we all know how important that is. This is how we manage to drum up a bit of the old feel-good factor and where would we be without that? Where indeed, I hear you echo. Where indeed? We need that for sure. We’re behind you there.
Research has shown that we all need to have a positive feeling about ourselves in order not to go into a terrible slump. You know that thing where you go into a terrible slump – you just pitch forward one day and take a nosedive, and once you take a nosedive like that there’s nothing that can pull you out of it. Once that happens to you all the motivational speakers in the world can’t pull you out of it! Not even your man with the mighty chin, whatever his name is. Not even he can do it. And if he can’t pull you out of it you know nothing else can!
So every time it’s the same – there’s me putting my serious face on and squaring my jaw. I’m using all the lingo all the jargon, coming out with all those dumb-ass buzz words that I got out of the latest self-help book that I grabbed off the shelf. Mouthing off about it all the time, acting like I know what I’m talking about, acting like I know all this good stuff. Giving everyone else advice whether they want it or not, making myself into a right pain in the hole. And the whole time I don’t really mean a word of it. Not a damn word. Not if I were to be honest about it.
