Do you know that thing where you’re trying to validate your ego but it doesn’t quite work? Ouch! Yes, I think we could all relate to that one. Damn right we can! For sure we can. We might all have our own stories, our own situations and all of that. but it’s a safe bet to say that we all have that in common. We surely do. And when that happens we can never quite make it right again, can we? In fact, once that happens then the harder we try to make it right the more obviously wrong it becomes! Again, I think we all know that one. It’s just a thing that we can’t ever fix, no matter how desperate we are to do so. These days should be good, I say to myself, every day should be full to the brim with profound satisfaction. My life should be precious to me. That’s what I say to myself, but it doesn’t do any good. I do my best to keep up the pretence mind you, but it’s a half-hearted effort at best. A miserable old half-hearted effort. I was going to follow up this admission by saying ‘but it’s better than nothing’ but then I realised that it would be ridiculous for me to try to claim this – it isn’t better than nothing at all. Nothing would actually be a lot better! There’s nothing worse than going around making a half-hearted attempt to be genuine in life whilst being painfully aware that this is what you are doing. That’s the pits, it really is. Everything you say is an insipid lie and you know it just as well as the next person does. You haven’t the confidence or the drive to tell a proper lie, you see. Everyone admires a diligent and enthusiastic liar of course. Everyone admires a liar who lies with confidence and panache. They might say that they don’t but they do. That’s what makes the world go around, after all – liars who lie with confidence and panache! We will never admit that we admire them because we’re liars too. We’re liars too only we can’t pull it off as well as they do – we just haven’t got their style, their charisma. The whole world loves a charismatic liar. We worship that ability, if the truth were to be known. Which it never is, of course. ‘What’s it like to be living life as a decaying ego- shell?’ people ask me. What’s it like, what’s it like. I try to tell them that it’s alright, that it’s not too bad, that I don’t mind it really but I don’t really believe my own lies, needless to say, and folk catch onto this. They look at me, the distaste evident on their faces. They are fascinated but repelled at the same time. But mainly repelled of course. Mainly repelled. Yes – when the ego starts to fray at the edges and gradually come undone you’re only going to draw attention to yourself by trying to fix it. It’s best to leave it alone, if you can. It’s like a scab that you’re tempted to pick – you know you shouldn’t because if you do it’ll only start to bleed all over again but you’re tempted all the same. Sometimes you just can’t help yourself however. Very often you just can’t help yourself. It’s an unfortunate situation but there you are. That’s just the way of things. That’s what it’s like when you try to validate an ego that’s been fundamentally compromised – everyone knows exactly what you are doing and they’re repelled. No one likes to see that. No one wants to know about it really. It’s distasteful.  Folk like upbeat stuff when it comes down to it. They like stories with which have a happy ending. They like the inspirational stuff, the life-affirming quotes and all that type of stuff. I guess they don’t really get anything else. They just don’t see the point in it…