How should we speak of The Cosmic Crime? We could say that it is a bit like the Great Rock ‘n’ Roll Swindle, though it has little enough to do with rock ‘n’ roll. Although it could do if it had to, I suppose. It could have as much or as little to do with rock ‘n’ roll as anything else could. The Cosmic Crime will of course be familiar to all students of Baudrillard. Honoured are the students of Baudrillard for they alone can testify to the stark, hideous reality of the Cosmic Crime. They alone can testify, they alone can be called to bear witness. The rest of us, stubborn in our ways and obtuse in our thinking, will deny the crime until we are purple in the face! We couldn’t be in a great hurry to deny the truth – the words of denial can’t fall from our mouths quick enough. The words of denial pour forth from our wide open mouths in an unending stream. All these little streams then join together to form a mighty river and this mighty river bears us away to our doom. This world, this world that is born of the lies we are so very keen to stand behind, is itself the vehicle of our doom. When you meet a stranger be sure to ask them, ‘What of the Great Crime? How speakest thou of the Great Crime that has been accomplished by the agents of corruption?’ and see how they reply! Will they nod in assent, their faces etched in sorrow, or will they bellow insensate garbage like the barbarians they are? It all hangs on this, does it not? It all hangs on this. Are we wise enough to feel sorrow? This after all is what it all boils down to. Sorrow runs deep, so they say. Sorrow runs deep whilst the inane hilarity of fools is an affront to all that is sacred. Is it not written thus in the ancient books of wisdom, the very books that our accursed forefathers sought to burn? We are all colluding in the Cosmic Crime I am afraid, every last one of us. We must own up to it, we must shoulder the responsibility. Who will do so if we do not? We must atone, we must do penance. We are the authors of wrong and we must freely admit to this. We are swindlers of the first magnitude, each and every one of us, and it is ourselves that are we are swindling. Overcome with a false awareness of our own cleverness, our own superiority to nature, we strut like peacocks in jackets and bow-ties; we parade ourselves in all our finery, eating rich, sticky, savoury sweetmeats followed by impossibly baroque  desserts. desserts that reek of decadence. We drink the most expensive of wines; we sup on sickly-sweet liqueurs and potent spirits. Our sophistication knows no limits. Bloated with our own intolerable complacency, we award each other honours in ornate ceremonies. We have made a mighty vehicle of our lies and this vehicle speeds ever onwards towards the precipice. We have made a mighty vehicle of our lies and we are full of pride with regard to this terrible vehicle. What criminals we are! What thieves and villains! We are fully engaged in the ignoble task of swindling ourselves of our own birthright, feeling clever as we do so – so keen are we to gain approval of the Arch-Defiler. We are always so very keen to gain the approval of the Arch-Defiler. Always so very keen. We swindle ourselves on a daily basis and in our perversity we take pride in this; in our poor twisted imaginations we are covered from head to toe in glory! Alas for us however – it is not glory that we’re covered in but something rather different, something that doesn’t smell quite so sweet…