Hosts of failed and defeated egos make their way – against their will – to the place they call Hades, the Grey Kingdom where no smiles are ever seen. What have they – they who dwell here – to smile about? Each day is like all the rest in the Grey Kingdom – empty of cheer.
It is impossible to behold this sight without becoming overwhelmed with sorrow at the fate of these unfortunate egos. I saw one of this host fleeing to its doom and heard quite plainly the words it uttered in its flight: ‘Alas for me,’ it cried out, ‘my fate is sealed – my doom is upon me and I am beyond all help.’ These words resounded piteously in my ears as the poor unfortunate ego was whisked away at tremendous speed to the bleak and colourless Hell Realm that was its inevitable destination. I cannot forget the horror of that moment.
I was that ego of course. I was that ego of which I am speaking so sorrowfully. I’m tempted to add ‘and I was all of these egos’ but that would be a mere empty philosophical flourish. I wasn’t all of those egos, I was only me. I didn’t care about the others, I could not relate to them. They were exactly the same as me it was true, but they were not me. ‘Alone in a crowd’, they call it, don’t they? ‘All alone in the ego swarm’.
When I notice myself I don’t like myself. I don’t like myself at all. On those rare occasions when I actually notice myself I am repelled and sickened and that’s why I don’t make a habit of it. I don’t make a habit of introspection, if that’s the right word. I don’t make a habit of ‘self observation’ – you can be sure I don’t. That just goes to a bad place; it goes to a bad place every time.
We’re all the same that way so maybe I don’t have to feel too bad about myself on that score. We are all alike in that way – no one actually wants to take a closer look at themselves do they? Dear me no. You bet we don’t. Why would you want to do that? Asking for trouble, that is. It’s asking for trouble and those that ask for trouble invariably get it, I think you’ll find.
We have to sympathise with the plight of the doomed ego though, that’s the point I was originally making. Or rather, we have to sympathise with the plight of the doomed ego which suddenly realises that it is doomed, the doomed ego that understands full well, with no mistake at all, in total clarity, that it absolutely is doomed. That’s a nasty moment. That’s a nasty moment for sure.
I was going to say, ‘We’ve all been there…’ in the same way I always do say ‘we’ve all been there’, which is more than just a little bit ridiculous of me, I know. We haven’t all been there. Of course we haven’t. That’s the whole point after all – the whole point is that we haven’t all been there. No indeed. You can take my word for it though, you surely can: the moment the doomed ego perceives clearly and without any doubt the absolute and irrevocable veracity of its doom then that is a nasty moment. It’s up there with the best of them, it really is. Is it ever up there.
I have actually thought about this rather a lot, you see. I have thought about it a hell of a lot. You could call me a bit of an expert, if you like. If you were to call me an expert I wouldn’t object. I’d accept that designation. I have thought about this kind of stuff – i.e. the doomed ego contemplating its doom, and the very particular psychological states that come about as a result of this contemplation – a hell of a lot. And I’m willing to bet that most ordinary respectable folks never do think about this subject. They don’t think that it will ever happen to them, most probably. That’s a bit of a laugh itself of course. Even though I know this is no laughing matter. It surely isn’t.
What we’re talking about here is the ‘negative revelation’ you see – the revelation of unutterable horror that none may speak of. The dawning of the fearful truth that we have fought against for so long. Well you can speak of it I suppose. If you want to. There’s no law against that after all, but there doesn’t need to be a law forbidding this sort of thing. This is forbidden territory all the same and we all know it. It surely is forbidden territory. Who amongst us wants to plumb the dreadful despair of the despairing ego? Who amongst us wishes to hear the piteously hopeless cries that issue forth day and night from the depths of Hades?