We’re always in such a hurry, we human beanz. Isn’t that the way with us? Always in such a damn hurry. We are in a hurry to get where we’re going but just what the hell are we going to do when we get there, that’s what I want to know. We didn’t really think that one out properly, did we? We think something great will happen when we get there of course – that’s the notion we have in our little heads. We’re wrong though. We’re wrong about that one. We are always in a hurry, but we don’t really know why – that’s the story with us human beanz sure enough. We think we know why were in such a hurry alright but we don’t really. We think the good thing’s going to happen and so that’s got us all worked up. ‘The good thing’s gonna happen’ – ever heard that one before? I expect you’re familiar with that formula. Hurry, hurry, hurry! Hurry up because the good thing’s gonna happen. You don’t want to miss the boat. That’s what we’ve been told, anyway. That’s human beanz for you. Always in a frigging hurry…
What does it mean to be human bean, huh? That’s the big question we all keep asking ourselves for sure. What’s it mean, what’s it mean? How to figure it out, how to figure it out? What’s the angle we need to take here? How do we play this? That’s what we’re all wondering, right? What’s the trick? What’s this ‘human bean business’ all about? Does it mean hurrying up so that we can get the prize? Maybe that’s what it means? Sounds like a good angle to take, wouldn’t you say? We can’t go wrong with that one… We are in a big hurry to go where life is taking us and is there anything so very wrong with that? Why do you think they call it ‘the human race’, after all?
Sometimes (perhaps) some bit of you, some deep-down bit, may not be working for your whole life and you might never know it. You’d just carry on as if everything was normal, for all the world as if everything was perfectly okay. You’d think you were normal. That’s a thought I had this morning. It’s not an original thought – I read it in a book probably – but all the same it came to me full force this morning. It came out of nowhere, it came out of the blue. I’m worried now though. If this situation happens to be true for you, does this means that you’re a bad person? Does this mean that you need to be punished? Does it mean that suffering is good? And if you are suffering but don’t know it, does that mean that you haven’t been punished properly yet? Maybe all the good times you thought you’d had weren’t really good times at all and one day you’ll find that out? What will you be left with to hang onto then? How will you validate yourself when your whole life you’ve been living an illusion? What could possibly make that OK? Nothing could make that OK.
It’s frightening trying to validate yourself when you can’t ever be validated, when you can’t ever be valid, when that’s an impossible job. That’s an obvious statement I know but it just burst out of me. It came from an inner fear of mine which momentarily rose to the surface, as inner fears often do. Of course that’s outrageous heresy for the positive thinkers or the self-affirmers – it actually makes me laugh when I think about how a self-righteous self-affirmer would react to that. Well, not so much ‘laugh’ perhaps. It makes me snigger nastily, but that’s almost the same thing. Very nearly the same thing. How can you validate something which never existed? I don’t care how smart you are – you can’t get around that one! It doesn’t stop us trying though does it? It certainly doesn’t. Nothing could stop us trying. What else do we ever do in fact? What else do we ever do? Of all the things we could possibly do – and some of them very good things, I have no doubt – we opt to do this one. Of all the great and worthy projects that we could devote ourselves to, we choose the project of ‘perpetually validating the unreal self’! That’s smart of us, wouldn’t you say? Let no one say that we human beanz are stupid, right?
