Bullshit is a way of life – I understand that. I understand that very well indeed – please believe me when I say that! I most certainly do understand that. Bullshit is all, bullshit is God – I get that. Please don’t think I don’t. To speak is to bullshit, to think is to bullshit, and this is the sacred lore of our forefathers. No one wants to disrespect the sacred law of their forefathers after all and that’s very understandable. There is such a thing as loyalty after all. We may not know that we are being loyal to our forefathers and we may not like to hear this, but all the same we can’t get away from it. It’s unconscious loyalty – we are loyal by blind instinct, we blindly honour those who came before us by being just as pigheadedly stupid as they were. We follow in their footsteps.
I call that ‘Adapting to the Perverted Macro-state’. I’ve done a fair bit of research into it you see. I’ve actually done rather a lot of research into it. I’m not trying to say that I’m great or anything like that, mind you. I’ve spent a lot of time making a complete knob-end of myself too, the same as everyone else. I put my hands up to that – ‘Yes, that was me!’ says I proudly. Wasting my time; making a complete and utter dickhead of myself. I’m not going to deny it. Far from it – I’m owning up to it straightaway. I’m owning up to it and I make no excuses either. ‘Say it like it is!’ – that’s my motto!
Instead of talking in terms of ‘Adapting to the Perverted Macro-State’ I sometimes like to use the alternative phrase ‘Pledging our undying loyalty and obedience to the Great Unspeakable Malignancy’ – it’s another way of saying the same thing, you see. The point is that if we weren’t so full of bullshit then that’s what we’d all say. We’d all say ‘I have pledged my allegiance to the Great Malignancy’ or ‘I have opted to serve the Supremely Mendacious One in all things’ or some such formula. Call a spade a spade, right? Say it like it is. Put your cards face up on the table and let’s all have a good look at them. No one’s going to judge you, after all. No one is going to say that you’re a bad person. We’re all the same in that respect you know – we’ve all sworn to serve and obey the Great Unspeakable Malignancy (or GUM, as I like to call him) so why be so ridiculously coy about it? That to me is being rather immature.
Bullshit is a way of life though, as I believe I have already said. It’s the air we breathe, it’s the ground under our feet. It’s the fragrance in our nostrils. Bullshit is the sea we swim in and yet never see. Like little fishes we are, swimming this way and that in the Great Ocean of Lies. What are we looking for in this Ocean of lies, what do we seek? What benefits are we pursuing, in our remarkably single-minded (if not to say stubborn) fashion? Like little fishes in the sea are we, lunging after the microscopic particles of imaginary sustenance, squabbling bad-temperedly over hallucinatory advantages. What a farce it all is, wouldn’t you say? What a dreadful farce. Such is the nature of the ignominy that we have called down upon our own heads. Such is our unfortunate fate.
We expected a better deal than this of course – we had some half-baked idea in our heads that we were in a better bargaining position than we actually were. ‘We’ll swear allegiance to you, you Great Unspeakable Malignancy, and then you – for your part – will give us some of the good stuff.’ That’s the deal we thought we were cutting, like the clever little businessmen and businesswomen we are. Did we really expect the GUM to play fair and square with us? Surely not! Surely we couldn’t have been that stupid?