‘I’m in the world,’ I thought proudly. ‘I’m sailing out into the big wide world just like a sailing boat sailing out into the ocean.’ I’m an ego, you see. That’s why I was thinking like that. That’s how we egos think. I couldn’t get over the fact that I was in the world. ‘Wow, this is so great,’ I thought to myself, walking all around and looking at all the things. ‘This is just so cool’, I said to myself, ‘I just can’t wait to explore the world and find out about all the great things that are in it.’ You can see how innocent and naïve I was back then. I was a bright and sparky ego, as shiny and new as a freshly minted coin. Those were the days, I often say to myself. Those were the days when I was a bright and sparky ego, all shiny and new. Then I start feeling sad of course; I get to feeling sad because I’m not like that anymore. I never will be again, not ever. That’s how the irreversible arrow of time works when you’re an ego, you see – there’s only one road to go down and there’s only one way that you can go down that road. It’s a one-way street in other words and not only that but it’s a dead-end. Never was there a deader end, never was there. It’s what you might call ‘the cud de sac to end all cull de sacs’. I’m all jaded now, I’m a jaded old ego and nothing is any fun for me anymore. Jaded and cynical, that’s me. Covered all over with rust – there’s no shiny surfaces left, just all drab and dull surfaces. I’m just another drab and dull ego puttering about half-heartedly in a drab and dull world. ‘Don’t be so depressing,’ you say, but I’m only speaking my truth. You shouldn’t blame me for that. Would you like me to lie and tell you that everything is great? Because it’s not. It’s not at all great. Everything I see I’m like ‘No not that thing again – I’m so fed up with that damn thing.’ That’s how jaded I am. I’m super jaded. Everything I see bores me. The whole world has palled for me – it’s just a shit-show. If you know what I’m talking about then you’re a jaded ego too! Welcome to the club; welcome to this the least salubrious club in the whole wide world. We specialise in never having any fun. If you don’t know what I’m talking about then that means that you are sparking new ego, so I’ll let you off in that case. Off you go in that case. Off with you. And you wouldn’t even be reading this anyway because shiny new egos only like sparky, upbeat stuff. Bright shiny new egos only like what they call ‘positive’ stuff – they go on and on about positive stuff the whole time. They can’t get enough of it; it never palls for them. It’s very infuriating for the rest of us anyway – I can tell you that for nothing! The only thing I can tell you in that case (in the case of you being a bright and shiny new ego like a freshly minted silver coin) is ‘I know your future’. I know where you are headed good buddy, and you don’t want to know. Of course you don’t – it would spoil your buzz completely. You’ve got a good buzz going there for you and you don’t want anything to come along and ruin it for you, naturally enough. That’s not what you’re about – you not about having your bright and shiny buzz ruined. But all the same, let me just say this much to you – ‘I know your future buddy’. You don’t know it but I do and my sage advice to you is not to be in any mad hurry to get there! You are in a mad hurry however and that’s just the way of the world. Bright shiny new egos are always in a mad rush to get where they’re going because they think that where they are going is going to be so great! That’s ‘positive thinking’ for you! Dumb-as-shit shiny new egos always have this ‘positive thinking’ thing going on. They’d make you sick the way they keep prattling on about it. They love talking about ‘goals’ and ‘winning’ and the spiritual egos to talk about ‘manifesting’. The only thing they’re ever going to manifest is a crock full of shit, let me tell you…
