My face was white, my tongue was green,

For no mortal man had ever witnessed

What I had just seen

My hair had gone white and frizzy

And my eyes stood out on sticks,

My friends had all run away –

The bunch of stupid pricks

My limbs were weak, my voice a mere croak.

And whatever nerve I might once have had,

Was now for sure completely broke

My days were numbered, the end was nigh,

Full of fear and self-pity,

I began to cry

The hour had come, my future was bleak,

And big fat tears were rolling down my cheek.

My teeth were chattering, my breath was faint –

Hero’s the one thing that I surely ain’t