I was looking forward to enjoying my life. ‘Quit bothering me,’ I said to no one in particular, ‘can’t you see I’m trying to enjoy my life?’ My life, my life, my life. ‘How dare you,’ I say, ‘how dare you try to stop me enjoying this uniquely personal life experience of mine?’ Outrage and indignation are my middle names. Outraged from Tonbridge Wells. Apoplectic from Bexleyheath. Incandescent with rage from Tooting Broadway. You’ve heard it all before of course. Nothing new there. My indignation might be interesting to me but you couldn’t care less. Can’t you see I’m trying to experience my wonderful narcissistic existence as a unique human being? There’s nothing angrier than a narcissist, did you know that? Nothing comes close. How dare you interrupt me in the proper lawful exercise of my self-absorption! Can’t you see that I’m a malignant narcissist? Ten signs that you might be dating a narcissist. That’s always a good one isn’t it? I love that one. I never get tired of that one. How to spot the ten signs that you might be dating a narcissist when you yourself are a narcissist would be more to the point! That’s when things really get tricky. Here’s another aggressive YouTube video that was auto-suggested for me today – ‘You’d better start doing this generic thing today!’ Do you have any idea of how many of these messages there are? Of course you do, of course you do. You are a human being the same as I am. You’re full of human failings to be sure but also a legitimate subscriber to the generic human experience, as are we all. No surprises there, then. Do this Generic Thing today, do this Generic Thing today. You have to do this Generic Thing immediately because it’s going to be so profoundly meaningful to you. It’s going to be the single most significant event in your whole life. The generic thing, the generic thing. And you tried this simple generic trick? People all over Oranmore are going mad over it. They are going pure fucking mental over it. Folk just like you, folk exactly like you. They’re all doing the simple generic trick and it’s transforming their lives. Their lives were crap before and they’re crap now and so that’s something we all have in common. The Filth of Satan is fully available to each and every one of us, do you realise that? Folk all over your area are going mad for it. They’re going mad for the Filth of Satan! It’s on offer from all sides you know so there’s no excuse for missing out. Do it right now! Folk all over your area are doing this simple generic thing. Doctors are losing their minds over it. Folk all over your area are going crazy over it. I remember when I was at school the teachers used to set us essays to write and the title of the essay would invariably be the same. The title of the essay would be ‘Explain, in your own words, why the Filth of Satan is so wonderful.’ I always got top marks of course. This boy is going to go far my teachers all said. He has a bright future ahead of him, to be sure. He shows a truly great ability to do the generic thing. They could see a bright future ahead of me doing the generic thing over and over and over again. They were wrong of course but we can’t blame them for that…