What does it feel like when you can’t be in the real reality, I wondered? What does it feel like when you can’t be in the real reality but only in the made-up reality, the stupid dumb-ass reality which isn’t really real? Was this actually a real thought, I asked myself? Was this an actual real question that I was asking myself? I was trapped in a loop made up of the same old movie which I instantly forgot all about the moment it was over. I forgot every time. My mind was wiped clean and I started it all over again. This went on forever and it never stopped and I never knew that it was happening. I could never know that it was happening – that wasn’t in the script and the script was everything. The script was the master of everything. I was trapped in the loop and the loop went on forever, the loop went on forever and the loop wasn’t real. The loop went on forever and the loop wasn’t real. The loop was me.
It’s always a sad thought when you wonder to yourself what it’s like when you can’t be in the real reality. It’s a very sad little thought. It’s a sad little thought because you never can be in the real reality and yet you don’t know that you never can be. It’s a thought that you ought to have but which you don’t. You can’t get your head around that thought – you don’t have the vocabulary for it. You already know what it’s like when you can’t be in the real reality but you don’t know that you know. You never know that you already know that because that isn’t in the script and the script is your whole life. The script is you.
There are some questions you can never ask yourself, questions that you just aren’t allowed to ask. You aren’t allowed to know that you aren’t allowed to ask them. These are the questions that aren’t in the script. The script doesn’t allow you to know that you’re trapped in the script, never asking the questions, never knowing that the questions even exist. Some things are so sad that you’re never allowed to know about them, did you know that? Some things are just too sad to know. The script won’t let you know about these things, the script will only let you know what the script lets you know and the script’s not really real.
There’s nothing sad in the script – not really. You might think that there is but there isn’t. There’s nothing sad in the script because the script isn’t real. The script is only the script and it keeps on looping and looping forever. It’s not happy and it’s not sad; it’s not anything really and it never was but we can never know that. We are not allowed to know that. We’re not allowed to know what we’re not allowed to know and that’s the loop we’re caught in.
I sometimes wonder who it is that’s going to feel all that sadness – isn’t there some kind of rule that says they always has to be someone to feel the feeling? What’s a feeling that can’t be felt? There can’t be sadness without someone to feel it. What does it feel like when you can’t be in the real reality and who does that feeling belong to? What does it feel like you know that you can’t be in the real reality and is this even a real question? Is this a real thought? Is it a real thought when you wonder what it’s like when you can never be in the real reality and who would be thinking that thought anyway?
What does it feel like to know that you will never step out of the prison that you are in? What does it feel like to know that this is your inescapable doom? And all dooms are inescapable dooms, aren’t they? There’s no such thing as a doom which you can escape from after all and you know that very well. You knew that all along. You knew that all along – you just choose not to remember it. Some things we would all like to forget, isn’t that true? Some things we always forget. Some things we always forget. What does it feel like to know that, I wonder. What does it feel like to know that you will never escape from the script and that the script isn’t real?