I fear things that I do not know, I fear that which I cannot understand. And yet at the same time, I know nothing, I understand nothing. And also at the same time, I fear the knowledge that I know nothing, that I understand nothing, and that I fear things which I do not and cannot understand. I fear this knowledge as I fear everything and there is nothing that I do not fear.
I had cobbled together a brand-new ego for myself and it was doing just fine. It was doing very well indeed thank you. It was shiny and squeaky clean. It was as clean as a whistle, it was as sharp as a salad knife. I had cobbled together a brand-new ego out of the ruins of the old one and now it was ensured that I would rise resplendent yet again, it was ensured that I would rise once more despite all that had befallen me! Despite all. Resplendent despite the interminable and unendurable ignominy that I have nevertheless still had to endure. Resplendent again and soaring aloft on the wings of triumph. Soaring aloft, soaring aloft. I had cobbled together a brand-new ego, brand-new ego…
Well I say that it was a BNE but really it was pretty much the same as the old one, now that I come to think about it. Not really so different so different not really so different. I had cobbled together a brand new ego and it was as bright as a new button and as sharp as a wooden spoon. Things had been pretty tough there for a while, pretty damn tough alright but I’d managed to turn it around at the last moment. I’d managed to pull it out of the bag when I needed to. A brand new ego, that is. I pulled it out of the bag of egos that I carry with me wherever I go.
As pretty as a picture, as bright as new penny. It was just as good as if nothing bad had ever happened, it had been renewed just as the phoenix is renewed. This is as good as it gets, I told myself jubilantly. It doesn’t get any better than this. Everything’s going my way and life couldn’t be any better
What I don’t understand I fear and I don’t understand anything. if I can’t dominate something then I run away from it and if I can’t run away from something then I pretend it isn’t there. I remake the world in my own image every day and yet I don’t exist and never have done – what’s my name? I am full of praise for my own achievements and yet in my whole life I have never achieved a thing; I never cease to pronounce and pontificate and yet my stupendous ignorance subsumes the whole world – what shall you call me?
Delighted with my own riddles, I do a little dance right there and then. I call it my Victory Dance. As I dance my little dance I sing a little song. I sing a little song that I call my Glory Song. My days were numbered from the very start. My days were numbered right from the day that I first created myself and yet I never created a thing. My victory is complete and incontestable and yet my failure was certain right from the word go!