Tales Of A Disillusioned Ego [Part 1]

It was a word like any other world and I was a person like any other person. “What a magnificent world this is,’ I said to myself, “what a fine big world…” But it wasn’t. It wasn’t a big fine world at all – it was a vile rotten lousy stinking little world. It was the world of my horribly grubby and nauseatingly grotesque preconceptions and what a filthy scurrilous world that is. There’s nothing more filthy and scurrilous than that and I am not joking you there. That isn’t me trying to be funny or anything like that, you can be sure of that. If there’s anything that truly does sicken me to the very core it’s the horrible grubby scabrous little world that is made up my own sordidly grotesque preconceptions. I feel disturbed even talking about it. That’s a real sickener that is. It’s the most abysmal little shit-hole ever.

 

I was a hero like all the others of course you not quite so great, not quite so great. Not quite so heroic. A little bit more lame, if you know what I mean. A little bit more lame than the other heroes but still a hero, still a hero. Always a hero. I was a hero just like all the rest but just a little bit less so, I suppose you could say. Not quite making the mark. Falling a bit short of expectations. Falling a bit short. I was a bit of a sad bastard really. I was a hero but also a bit of a jerk if you take my meaning. A bit of a jerk. But still a hero. A kind of a sad old knob-head it’s true but still a kind of a hero. Kind of.

 

“The Supremely Great Benefit comes from doing the Supremely Great Thing,” I crooned softly to myself, like some sort of mad possessed crooner. I was counting my gold coins. “The Supremely Great Benefit comes from doing the Supremely Great Thing, the Supremely Great Benefit comes from doing the Supremely Great Thing, the Supremely Great Benefit comes from doing the Supremely Great Thing, Supremely Great Benefit comes from doing the Supremely Great Thing, the Supremely Great Benefit comes from doing the Supremely Great Thing…”

 

It was a word like any other and I was also a person like any other but I was still a little bit unique I would say – a little bit unique and yet at the same time not too unique. Still pretty much the same as any other. A life like any other and a world like any other. But also it was a very crappy little world – it was my own private world, it was the world of my own grimy lack-lustre obsessions and it wasn’t up to much. Let’s put it like this, you wouldn’t buy it if it was for sale, not even it was only for a dollar and there was a free gift thrown in!

 

“What’s the free gift?” you ask greedily, your eyes lighting up almost instantaneously. “What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift? What’s the free gift…”

 

I’m under a shadow you see, I’m afflicted by the dreaded old curse. Badly afflicted, as it happens. I’m living under a grim and grimy shadow and I can never crawl out from under it. I’m like one of those guys with their own personal rain-cloud following them around. Like in a cartoon or something. Happy people are always very happy of course and we mustn’t forget that. They’re happy because they do the happy things. They’re happy because they’re buying the Great Product. They’re happy because the machine has told them what to think.

 

I get sick of myself the same as everyone else does, of course. Sick to the back teeth, in fact. I really am. I’m as sick as a dog that ate something it shouldn’t have done. Did you ever try to crawl out from under yourself? Of course you did, of course you did. I’m guessing that you didn’t get very far though – not from the look of you anyway! Certainly not from the look of you. I never got very far but then again one never really does, does one? One never really does…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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