When I was very much younger than I am today, no more than a tiny wee sproglet, no more than a mere whippersnapper, knee-high to an ass-hopper, I was given the all-important message that we were all given and that you also know very well too. I was made to understand this message; I was compelled to take it on in all seriousness. We were told, one and all, that it was vitally important that from this point on in our lives we should enact the Nullity with all our might, enact the Nullity in all we do. Oh, oh, the Great Nullity, hear us we pray. If we failed, then this would be very bad. If we failed then the consequences would be too terrible to mention. So serious and so frightening was this message that some of us third-year students, all gathered together as we were, promptly pissed ourselves on the spot, overcome with the all-pervasive ‘fear of failure’. I was not one of them, I would like to point out, but they had my sympathy at the time, as indeed they still do. It was a message that left us all anxious…

I hated my school days. In retrospect I know that I did, anyway. At the time I don’t know what I knew. I didn’t know what I was supposed to know or if it even mattered if I knew. Did anyone actually care? Was it all just a show? My main emotion was dull confusion. The big message, the big message. Make sure you get it now; make sure you take it on board in all seriousness. “It is incumbent upon you to Enact the Nullity with all your heart and soul.” How many times have you heard this in your life? How many times? It doesn’t matter how it is expressed or what particular words are used. It always comes down to the same message – ‘you must enact the Nullity’. Those words are vibrating, resonating in your very core. You must give it all you’ve got. You mustn’t fail. You mustn’t let everyone down. You must fight the good fight with all your might.

The glorious old Nullity, huh? How glorious, how glorious. The hoary old Nullity – it’s been done to death a billion trillion times. Nothing’s been done to death as much as the Nullity! Nothing, nothing, nothing. Let me tell you a story now. An old, old story. Such an old story. Come and hear the story – just in case you might not have heard it before! You might not have done, after all. You might perhaps be from another universe. There is a bright thought for you – bright, bright, shiny-and-bright! A dazzling thought. Dazzling in its brilliance. You must be from another universe – it’s the only possible explanation. Welcome. Welcome to our world. Welcome to the world of tears, welcome to your greatest fears. Welcome to the Nullity.

Let us sing hymns of praise to the glorious Nullity. Turn to page 92 in your hymnbooks ‘Oh Nullity you are so great.’ All 28 verses will be sung. You are back at school you know. You’re right back there. It’s like a flashback. You’re back at school and you are to dedicate your life to the Nullity because that’s what everyone has to do. That’s the meaning of life isn’t it – enact the Nullity, enact the Nullity, enact the Nullity. Can you hear that old Robot Voice droning on in your brain? That old, old Robot Voice. You’ve heard it too many times of course. Far too many times. It’ll turn you rotten if you listen to that voice too much. Rotten like an old rotten blog. Sorry, log. Full of earwigs. Full of lots and lots of little wriggling things. Pale undulating larval forms, glistening in the cold light of an unhealthy moon…

Anyway, so there I was, a mere whippersnapper, programmed from an early age, indoctrinated by the full weight of the machine. Believe in the Nullity and he won’t let you down. Let us sing the old school hymn, please open your hymn books to page 94. Don’t ever give into doubt because that’s how the devil gets to you. He’ll play on your fears and put doubts into your head, he’ll mess with your mind. That’s how the devil works you know. Everyone knows that. That’s why it’s so important to fight against the devil day and night. Say NO to him. Don’t ever doubt the power and glory of the Nullity. Be strong. Fight the good fight. Fight back the negative thoughts and smite down the unbelievers. Sing songs of praise to the most glorious Nullity. Let me hear you raise your voices in prayer. Please turn your hymn books to page 94 and we shall sing ‘Oh Nullity how great you are…’