My question is this: “Do we really need yet more toxic social justice warriors?” And my considered answer is inevitably and invariably YES. Emphatically YES. Absolutely we do. Without any question we do. Beyond any shadow of a doubt we do – and the more obnoxiously self-righteous, judgemental and downright vicious the better! So our message must be “Keep up the good work you TSJWs!” Keep up the good work because it is very good to do that. Keep up the splendidly good work because it is a very good that you are doing that and you deserve respect for it from the rest of us not-quite-so-toxic folk…

I was recording my weekly YouTube video blog, you see. So far I have three followers. Two of these are definitely robots whilst the third I’m not entirely sure about. It is the third one I’m worried about, to be honest. I don’t have any problem with robots but there is something about my third so-called ‘follower’ that doesn’t quite ring true – I am as I have said perfectly okay about robots but there are worse things out there than on-line automata! Far worse things. There are these things called ‘sleeper trolls’ for example – trolls who stay dormant for years and years and then suddenly erupt into malignant life when you are least expecting it. Then there is always the possibility of government surveillance of course; we mustn’t forget about the sinister possibility of government surveillance, however corny that may sound to your sophisticated ears.

I moved onto my next topic, which was my regular psychology spot in which I do a bit of ‘consciousness-raising’. Consciousness-raising is so important isn’t it? Particularly when you’re starting from such a very low level – the ‘basement level’, you might say. The ‘dungeon level’. When people ask what it is that I do that’s my standard answer – “I am a consciousness-raiser,” I say, “I do global consciousness-raising via my blogging and also by being on a high vibrational level myself and transmitting it.” Consciousness-raising is very rewarding, although at the same time it’s also a bit like rolling a heavy boulder up a hill, which is of course not quite so rewarding…

My next question is about Happiness Gurus – “Do they really know what they are talking about and should we listen to them?” It just so happens that I was in Easons in Shop Street earlier today perusing the popular psychology section, looking for inspiration. Well, looking for something to slag off, if I’m to be honest. One of the books that particularly stood out for me was a book that purports to tell the reader about the Habits of Happiness – I wish I could remember the author so I could drag his or her name through the mud but I can’t. My memory isn’t what it used to be.

This is something that I find utterly fascinating – this business of ‘happiness-producing habits’! Now habits are automatisms, as we all know. It’s like when we shift gears without paying attention to the fact that this is what we’re doing, or – for that matter – it’s like driving from Tullamore to Naas without consciously realizing that we are, and all of that kind of stuff is perfectly fine up to a point of course. It’s fine up to a point. But somehow we are expected to believe that we can transition from being miserable to being happy just by means of some ‘unconscious reflex’-type thing! Via some kind of ‘twitch’, essentially. By robotizing our consciousness we become joyful and serene, at one with the universe and all that sort of crack. Before we were ‘unhappy, maladapted and dysfunctional robots’ and now – now that we have got the ‘glitched programming’ right, so to speak – we can become ‘happy and fulfilled robots’ instead. A persuasive and subtle argument, wouldn’t you say? Just sell us the patented algorithm for happiness, that somehow you know about. Just tell us how to be happy little robots…

So the question facing us now is: “Should self-help gurus be allowed to carry on writing this type of utterly absurd and fantastically nonsensical horse-shit?’ And my considered answer  – needless to say – is (again) inevitably and invariably YES. Emphatically YES. YES every time… Absolutely they should be. Beyond any doubt they should be. Most assuredly they should be. Our message to them should be “Carry on with the splendidly good work you guys – please keep on turning out this marvellously inspirational stuff! And if you happen to make a few Euros for yourself along the way, then who could possibly begrudge you that?”