Husk World

There was a fellow following me around doing bad things. He was lying, cheating, stealing, abusing people left right and centre and coming out with all sorts of crass racist and sexist comments. Homophobic comments too – lots and lots of homophobic comments. He really hated gays, obviously. It took a while for me to realise that this person was actually me! The people hated me and they wanted to harm me with their weapons. They chased and I ran, and that was the pattern of my life. I want to break free from all the issues that I have in my head but that wasn’t easy. All the issues, all the issues – there seems to be nothing else in my life but issues… My life is one big issue. I’d like to talk about how trapped in my head I am but I’m too trapped in my head for that. I’m too trapped in my head to reach out. I want so much to reach out but I can’t – that’s one of my issues. It’s become such a big thing for me at this stage that I know if I tried I would just come up with some freakishly weird strangled sound, some frighteningly inhuman noise and whoever it was that I was trying to reach out to would run a mile. I wouldn’t even have to open my mouth – the look on my face would frighten them off before I even got to utter a word. I’m all caught up in my head you see; I’ve become a distorted echo of myself. You know what it’s like to be caught up in your head, I’m sure. You can empathise with my situation, I have no doubt. It’s an awful mess, isn’t it? It’s so rotten. The fellow was still following me around – he was starting to get on my nerves, I can tell you! He was starting to get on my nerves big time. I don’t know why he wanted to hang out with me. What on earth did he think we had in common? How was I drawing him onto me? Once or twice I lost it with him and screamed right into his face. I told them to get lost before I pasted him. I was literally screaming right into his face. It didn’t do any good though – he hung back for a little while, looking hurt, looking upset, and then after a while he was right back following me again as if nothing had happened. Doing bad things and abusing people. You just couldn’t put him off, I’m telling you! I was in the Husk World and nothing was real. If you try very hard then you could get things to seem real for a while but it never lasted. Before very long everything got all echoey and unreal again. I knew it was all just a projection of my mind. That’s an awful feeling isn’t it? To realise that you’re in the Husk World, to hear that rotten old Husk World rustling around you like a bunch of dry old leaves. You know it’s about to fall to pieces any moment and yet somehow it never does! Somehow it never quite does. That’s the Husk World for you, right? That’s the rotten old Husk World and we all know that’s a bad one. You can’t help knowing that everything is just an echo of your own mind. That’s what it’s like in the Husk World – you can’t help knowing that you are just an echo of your own mind. If you listen carefully you can hear yourself rustling, like a pile of dry old leaves waiting to be blown away by the wind…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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