The elections of 2074 were in full swing and I had put myself forward as a candidate. I was the only nematode running for office, and I was also the only candidate with any actual integrity. In my view, anyway. The rest of the candidates were a mixed bag, you might say. There were Logarians, Protologarians, Atlantians, Ancient Lemurians, Silurians, Formorians, Asuras, Hylotropic Life-Forms, Lizard Men (both in and out of disguise), Pseudo-Human Transforms, Shadow People, Augmented Narcissist Demigods, Maggot Men from the Realms of Corruption, Transhumans sporting the very latest in Quantum Adaptations, Luminals and Paraluminals, Octomorphs, Heliomorphs, Quasimorphs and Xenomorphs, and finally – myself – the only life-form with any actual integrity amongst the whole lot of them.
I’m not blowing my own trumpet here, simply stating a fact. A nematode is a nematode – end of story. We don’t pretend to be anything we aren’t. With these characters however it’s a different story. Do you think Augmented Narcissist Demigods can be trusted? Do you imagine that the Maggot Men from the Corruption Realms play a straight game? I’m not being spiteful or judgemental here – creatures are what they are. We are all what we are! No blame, no blame. Each one of us is bound to fulfil the pattern of our destiny and it is up to us to do this with us much good grace as we can bring to the situation. When it is not within the remit of our destiny to accept our fate with good grace, then we have to countenance this situation instead. No matter what our situation might be, we are bound to countenance it on some level or other, aren’t we? Even if our situation is to turn our back upon our situation, then there still has to be an awareness of this somewhere, in some shape or form, wouldn’t you say? Or maybe not? Perhaps you disagree?
As you can see, we nematodes are a highly philosophical race, as well as having great natural integrity. I know what you’re thinking. ‘That’s as maybe,’ you’re probably saying to yourself, ‘but who’s going to vote for a philosopher? And since when have folk required integrity from their politicians?’ That’s a fair point, if that is indeed what you were thinking. It’s a perfectly fair point. But the thing is that I’m not running in this election in order to win it. That was never my intention. You see, in addition to having great natural integrity and being of a profoundly philosophical disposition, we nematodes also have a very great sense of irony. Our sense of irony is extraordinarily highly developed; when humans evolved they moved in the direction of becoming highly effective manipulators. We nematodes, on the other hand, have gone down the path of developing a truly exquisite sense of irony. You can probably tell that from the way I talk – everything I say is ironic! Even when I’m being ironic that’s only me being ironic. It’s an ‘ironic use of irony’, if you take my meaning. It’s an exercise in meta-irony, you might say.
Of course all of these Pseudo-Human Replicants, Paramorphs. Shadow People, Asuras, Demigods, Maggot Men and all the rest of them, barely understand irony at all. As I have indicated, they are all manipulators, trying their damndest to manipulate everyone in sight – including themselves! They are lost in their own games, poor fools that they are. There’s nothing ironic about manipulators, nothing at all. These guys actually take it all totally seriously! It’s kind of sad, isn’t it? Although of course I don’t really mean that…
Art: Clint Langley