Talking To Important People

Quite often I only like talking to important people. If there’s someone there who obviously isn’t important then I look at them as if to say “What are you doing trying to talk to me – I really don’t have time for this…” You know that type of look I’m sure. Everyone knows that type of look, I’d say. “And your reason for talking to me is?” That’s what the look says. You can say a lot with a look, can’t you? You can say in a look for sure. Usually I just act as if I’m in a hurry and if anyone tries to engage with me I just stare straight ahead and keep on walking. Keep on walking, keep on walking; pretend that you can’t hear them, pretend that they’re not there. It would be different if I ever met an important person but the problem is that I never do. I don’t move in those kind of circles – I don’t move in any kind of circles, come to think of it. I’m a kind of a loner really, I’m a kind of an outsider. That’s how I prefer to think of myself. It’s not by choice on my part of course, but all the same. An outsider is an outsider at the end of the day and that’s all anyone needs to know. There’s kudos being an outsider, that’s what I’m trying to say – any fool can go along with the crowd, wouldn’t you agree, but it takes someone a bit out of the ordinary to strike out on their own. I’m kind of a loner really although to be honest it’s not entirely by choice. I don’t often hit it off with people, you see. Actually, now that I come to think of it, I’ve never hit it off with anybody – I don’t even know what that means. I can only imagine, I can only imagine. Imagination’s a fine thing, so they say. They do say that – I’m almost sure of that, but exactly what they might mean by it I don’t know. I’m a bit vague about that. I’m a bit vague about a lot of things. Sometimes I feel that people hate me and at other times it occurs to me that nobody really cares enough about my existence to bother hating me. I’m not significant enough, in other words. Slowly and painfully I work things out in my head and then – only moments later – I realise that I’ve got it all completely wrong. I realise that there was absolutely no logical basis for what I was just thinking. I was thinking nonsense thoughts, in other words. My mind was playing tricks on me. I think something and then I start to get worried, suspicious, angry, frightened, or whatever, and then moments later I realise that it’s all total nonsense! My mind was at me again, evoking a whole range of entirely spurious emotional responses. And then – after this brief period of lucidity – the whole thing starts all over again! The more I think about my situation the more suspicious and worried I get but I don’t even know what I’m being suspicious and worried about! I actually don’t have a clue. I’m stumbling around in the dark, I’m making mountains out of molehills. I’m making a big deal out of nothing. Sometimes I think that I exist whilst at other times it is clear to me that I don’t. But if don’t exist why do I keep thinking that I do?








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