“Don’t ever tell me that the bad thing won’t happen because you and I both know that it will!” I shouted at my reflection in the mirror. I was angry at my own denial of the facts. “The bad thing is going to happen,” I told myself crossly, “it’s going to happen whether you like it or not…” I was angry about a lot of things – I was angry at my own immense sullen stupidity, I was angry at the way in which I consistently made the wrong choices and then invariably failed to learn from my mistakes, of which there were very many. I was angry at myself because I was always going around pretending that I knew what I was doing; I was angry because I was always pretending to myself that the bad thing wasn’t going to happen.
I was so angry that I made up a little song. I called my ‘angry song’. In addition to the song I also had a little dance and I danced that little dance for all I was worth as I sang my angry song. Eventually, the neighbours called the police who banged on my front door loudly and made me let them in. As usual, the police were very stern with me – they said that I could be charged with creating a public nuisance of myself and that I would be remanded in police custody if I didn’t stop annoying everyone. I could even be looking at a spell in jail for repeat offending; possibly quite a long spell if the magistrate didn’t like the look of me, which he probably wouldn’t.
Then the police told me to go back to bed because it was 3 o’clock in the morning and they said that they would be very annoyed if there were called out again. I was quiet for a while after they left but before very long hours I was back at my old tricks, singing and dancing, singing and dancing, singing and dancing, singing and dancing…. I made up a mean song about the police and I sang that too. It was a very mean and spiteful song and looking back I must say that I’m quite ashamed of myself. I did go to prison in the end of course – mainly because I made up a mean and spiteful song about the judge and sang it loudly in court. I broke free from the police officers to do my little dance, and I wouldn’t stop dancing and singing the mean song even when I was told to. The judge ruled that I was in contempt of court and I was given a substantial prison sentence on the spot.
Prison’s not so bad though. I don’t know why people always say that it is so bad. I’m quite enjoying myself – I’ve made lots of friends here. I’m working out in the gym regularly, and I have also found time to work on my novel. There’s plenty of time here, after all! I’m sure my novel will be a bestseller when I finish it. It’s about a small boy, whose name is Joe, who likes to imagine that he is a superhero called ‘Moose Boy’. Moose Boy has lots of adventures, as superheroes always do, and Joe never stops daydreaming about him.
In time Joe grows into a tall, lanky teenager who skips school and gets into drugs. He forgets all about Moose Boy and his adventures and spends every day lying in bed reading Philip K Dick stories instead. Then one day Joe’s very own adventure kicks off in a big way when he finds himself in contact with super intelligent multi-dimensional aliens from a parallel universe who are trying to rescue mankind from the malign power of the Archon Corporation and their puppets, the bankers and the right-wing politicians (who love evil more than you and I love hot dinners)! I haven’t gotten any further in the novel than this but no matter how it turns out I’m sure it’s going to be a best-seller! It turns out that prison was the best thing for me ever!