Suppose what some people say is true really is true and what we call ‘reality’ is only a programme running on a quantum supercomputer in a parallel universe and suppose whoever is supposed to be the admin for this hyper-dimensional simulation is not on the ball and that they have failed to renew their antivirus subscription to McAfee (or whatever the equivalent is) and suppose that – as a result of this – some particularly nasty malware has gained entry into the system. Suppose, furthermore, that the human race has, over time, cottoned on to this malware – which is for the most part ticking away quietly in the background – and we have referred to it, really not really knowing what we talking about of course – as Satan. It says in the Bible (John 14:30) that Satan is the Prince of this world, as you probably know, and I think this fact rather tends to support my hypothesis. It’s not Prince Harry or Prince Andrew it’s Prince Satan in other words, and you don’t read about him in Hello! Magazine. This particular Prince ISN’T going to come up with utter dismal predictability on your social media feeds! No way José! No way my good buddies. This is an undercover job after all. Satan’s game-plan isn’t to make us sin so that God will send us to hell to reap the eternal damnation that is our just reward. Only a fundamentalist Christian would be dumb enough to believe that! I mean, just think about it – do you really think that God is going to fly into a rage when we have the temerity to disobey his commands and sentence us straightaway to Eternal Damnation? Come on! That’s not it at all. Satan’s game-plan is to make us monstrously stupid, and monstrously self-important, both at the same time, so he can have a right good laugh at us for being the ridiculous twats that we are! That’s fuel for Satan you see, that’s his energy source. Satan is after all the Great Mocker, the great Piss-Taker… If we were able to hang onto our dignity then he would shrivel up into nothing and die, but the whole point is that we can’t hang onto our dignity. That’s the one thing we can’t do! The whole point of modern society is that we compulsively handover every last little shred of dignity that we have at every possible opportunity and I’d like to see someone try to deny that! How after all can we believe in the preposterous tissue of nonsense that we do believe in and yet somehow retain our dignity? No one who compulsively swallows every lie going (when they don’t have to) can at the same time have actual ‘dignity’. We can take ourselves seriously as we like but this isn’t the same thing as dignity. Obviously enough, this is the exact opposite of dignity – this is what makes us into a complete laughing stock! Every one of us, every day of our lives, runs around begging some spurious authority figure to tell us ‘what reality is’. We don’t know we’re doing it but we’re running around asking – pleading even – to have our reality manipulated. It’s as if we are wandering around in the toughest meanest most deprived inner-city area after midnight holding our wallet at arm’s length, which is stuffed with money and high-end credit cards, whilst shouting at the top of our voice “Please would somebody come and take my money!” What’s going to happen if we do that, huh? What exactly do you think is going to happen then? What happens when you feed raw meat to hungry piranhas? What happens when you jump naked and bleeding into the sea in the midst of a whole big bunch of starving sharks in a full-on feeding frenzy? Well anyway, that’s what we’re like. We’re just a pack of fools! It’s all grist for Satan’s Mill though. It’s all grist for Satan’s Mill. You can’t actually blame Satan though, and I think it’s important to point this out. That would be very immature. It’s all too easy to blame Satan. What a ridiculous deflection that is – blaming the devil! You can’t blame a virus programme for doing what it’s supposed to do and going viral. You can’t blame a virus for viralizing! Personally I blame the admin. What in God’s name is he bloody playing at?