Not Only Riddled But Raddled

As per the dictates of long-standing tradition, I created for myself a false self, a phony identity, complete with a sullen, indolent disposition, bad temper, foolishly deluded opinions on every topic under the sun, deceitful and devious ways, and possessed moreover of an immense and all-consuming laziness. When it was done I turned over full authority to this malign, thoroughly useless and untrustworthy self and sat back to watch the show…

 

That’s just my little joke – there’s no one watching of course. I feel like repeating this a hundred times, there will be no one watching. There is no one there to be watching. The false self has taken over completely you see and the false self is always blind to its own faults. The false self counts its faults as virtues in fact; it is proud of its loathsome ways! The wretched false self – if the truth were to be known – is itself no more than an unfortunate error, a pernicious self-replicating glitch in the works. From its own distorted point of view the phony identity is what the whole Grand Show of Creation is all about; really however it’s just a pernicious glitch in the system (as we have just said). If given any chance at all it will take over completely and when that happens it always ends up destroying itself. But that’s all in a day’s work for the false self. That’s ‘par for the course’.

 

The best just got better but it’s still not good enough! Isn’t that what they say? Nothing is ever good enough really. How could it be? We knew it wouldn’t be good enough right from the start so there are no surprises there. There are never any surprises. Did you ever hear of crafting your own doom? Well that’s exactly what I’m doing now – I’m crafting my own doom. I’m doing a very good job of it too, if I may say so. I’m putting an extraordinary amount of effort into it. I’m being meticulous, I’m ‘cutting no corners in my quest for perfection’, you might say. People come up to me and pat me approvingly on the shoulder – “You’re making a fine job of that,” they say, “fair play to you my boy.” The best just got better but the best is never quite good enough is it? Somehow there always seems to be some little thing about it that lets us down. Disappointment is never too far away…

 

Anyway all of that was just me ‘setting the scene’ so to speak. I am painting a picture; I’m filling in the blanks. It’s all just idle talk, if the truth be known. Idle talk for idle minds; nonsense-talk for those that don’t know any better, and that’s most of us! You have to put in the ground work – that’s my motto. If you don’t put in the ground work then how can you ever expect to achieve anything? Nothing is ever good enough for the false self and that’s just a fact of life. No point in getting upset about it. No point in getting upset about a fact of life. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until one day you step right off the cliff edge that you didn’t see coming. Isn’t that right? Isn’t that always the way?

 

I’m not only riddled, I’m raddled. I’m raddled from head to toe – I go to do one thing that I end up doing another. I find out that one thing is true so I run around telling everyone something entirely different! I met a man on the road to nowhere and angrily asked him where he thought he was going. “I am you,” he replied, “and I’m headed for sure and certain disaster.” I kicked him viciously in the shin but he only laughed at me. “I’m you,” he said, “and I’m going to hell in a hand cart.’ I met a man on the road to nowhere. “What in God’s name are you playing at?” I called out as I came up behind him. He turned slowly and I saw that he had the face of a snarling dog. His breath was hot on my face and it smelt of rotting meat. “Do you not recognise me?’ he panted hotly, much too close for comfort now, “do you not know who I am?” The creature’s breath was so foul that I feared I would pass out. That horrifically fearsome slavering beast-face drew closer and closer until it was like looking into a mirror. There could be no further doubt – it was me for sure!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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