The Secret Controller

I was struggling for identity but I was struggling too hard. I was struggling for identity but I was struggling far too hard. I was fighting for what wasn’t mine. I’ve said all this before, haven’t I? I was struggling to maintain my dignity in an uncomfortable situation. I had been caught out lying and it wasn’t the first time! I was up before the tribunal and it wasn’t going well. I was in the land of the shape-shifters and I had lost my grip. I was wandering in my mind. Wondering like a lost fool. I taken leave of my senses but before very long they had all came home to roost. In my head, I was running through all my possibilities but there were none left to me. Can you imagine the predicament I found myself in? I had all the answers but none of the questions, I knew exactly what to do but I didn’t know when to do it! I paced up and down the corridor trying desperately to remember what door I just come out of. This was no ordinary corridor however, as I’m sure you can appreciate. I was in an immersive environment. I kept losing myself – I kept losing myself in the in the immersive environment. I was lost without a trace. ‘Who am I really?’ I asked myself. My co-workers were all against me – I could tell by the way they looked at each other with unreadable expressions on their faces every time I walked into the room. Everyone was avoiding me – I had probably done something wrong, but it didn’t know what it was. I had let myself down, I had made the wrong decision. I carried on restlessly pacing the corridor, I didn’t know which door to go in  – a mistake could be fatal at this stage. Some worlds are just not supportive of human life, some worlds have toxic atmospheres. Some worlds contain dangerous predators – they hunt by telepathy, like all the most advanced predators do. They can track you by your thoughts, and you are not able to stop thinking. You don’t know how. Nobody had ever told you. Some worlds are terribly, terribly hostile. You wouldn’t last more than a few hours at the best. Maybe only minutes. I arrived late for the meeting, out of breath and full of fears that I was unable to articulate to myself. The predators trap their prey by creating intensely immersive environments – the very moment you step into them you are lost! I was as helpless as a baby, wide open to any attack. They play on your emotions; they feed on your fear. They get fat on your confusion. Who is feeding on my fear, I wondered? Who is profiting from my confusion? Who is the secret controller? ‘Who am I really?’ I asked myself. Who was I before I became lost in this immersive environment? Probably I’d done something very wrong, I realised. Probably I had made some bad choices but I couldn’t remember what they were.








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