My memories aren’t real – this is what I am always trying to say. I think this what I am always trying to say but I’m not entirely sure. A lot of the time I don’t have the slightest clue as what I’m trying to say. ‘Well why bother, then?’ you might ask, in an irritated fashion. ‘Why go to the trouble?’ Is not as easy as that, however – it’s not as easy as that at all! None of us really know why we do the things that we do. We think we know, to be sure, but that’s just our foolishness. That’s just our silly old foolishness. Of which we have plenty. I fancy most of us would probably say that we absolutely know why we’re doing what we’re doing – it doesn’t sound too good to admit otherwise, does it? We wouldn’t be able to expect anyone to take us seriously otherwise. ‘I’m doing X because of Y’ we say, and that gives us the credibility we so desperately need. We’re garnering approval, we’re garnering social validation. We’re garnering the valuable respect of our peers.

‘Garnering’ is a great word, isn’t it? Garnering, garnering, garnering… It flows readily off the tongue and I appreciate that. I appreciate words that flow readily off the tongue. ‘I’m doing X because of Y,’ we say, and that’s where our social respectability comes from right there. Who can laugh at you when you can say that? Who can mock and belittle you when you have something solid to say about what you’re doing and why? ‘I’m doing the thing because of the thing,’ I say, and I know people are going to respect me for this. ‘Oh he’s doing the thing because of the thing,’ they will to say to each other later on, in an acknowledging and respectful kind of a way, and they will nod their heads approvingly. Or perhaps they will just think it, but they’ll approve either way. That’s how I shall garner social respectability and credibility.

I’m getting tired now, tired of all my nonsense-talking. A great weariness has settled upon me. It has settled upon me good and proper, all of a sudden, without any warning, and that’s what you get for talking nonsense. It feels good at the time of course – it always feels good at the time. Then the mania evaporates and it’s as if you’re made of stone. You can hardly lift your head, such is the weight of your oversized cranium. ‘I’m doing X because of Why,’ you parrot inanely; ‘I’m doing X because of Why…’ Only the truth is you don’t even know what X is anymore, never mind why. ‘I’m doing the thing because of the thing,’ you mumble to yourself incoherently, but you’re only bluffing. You don’t have the remotest clue as to what ‘the thing’ is, or what it might look like if you actually came across it, but you’re not about to admit that. Certainly you’re not about to admit that! They’ll all sneer at you if you do that. You’ll feel the weight of their immense contempt, their immense disregard. As Vonnegut would say, they will change in a flash from being approving machines to being sneering machines.

We have to keep up with the bluff, no matter what. There’s no flexibility there! There’s certainly no flexibility there. There’s no flexibility there at all. We have to keep on pretending that we know what the thing is and why it is that we have to keep on doing it. The humiliation would be too great otherwise. The humiliation would be crushing. ‘What – you don’t know what the thing is?’ the sneering machines will sneer, ‘Did you hear that? He doesn’t know what the thing is. He doesn’t know what the thing is never mind why he has to keep on doing it…’ The contempt of the sneering machines is hard to bear – that’s one thing I’ve learned in life! The infinite contempt of the sneering machines. So hard to bear. So hard to bear. So heard to bear. That contempt is a very cruel thing isn’t it? So very cruel. We all learn that lesson very quickly, don’t we? Don’t ever give the sneering machines any grounds to sneer. Instead, make sure that you give them reason to approve because then they will become approving machines instead! Approving parents, approving teachers, approving employers, approving friends…

We learn that lesson very early on in life, don’t we? You’re absolutely right we do. We learn it so well, we learn it so well. It’s the only lesson that matters, at the end of the day. It’s the only lesson that matters and we learn it so well – pretend that you know what the thing is and why you’re doing it. Keep on stubbornly pretending to the very best of your ability and then one day you’ll actually believe that you DO know. And then the approving machines will approve of you! They’ll approve so much. You’ll be garnering social respectability and credibility then. You’ll be garnering social respectability and credibility wherever you go…