Everybody And His Uncle

Everyone and his uncle are on some kind of spiritual enlightenment trip these days, isn’t that the truth? God help us, huh?  God give us patience. I’m inclined to say that people were annoying enough before all this kind of spiritual crap, but if they were annoying before then they are unbearable now. I mean, listen to these guys waffling on about consciousness and oneness and compassion and ‘not judging anything’. For fuck’s sake, right? You know what I’m saying? I think I’m suffering from spirituality fatigue. Everybody and his uncle, everybody and his uncle. The stupid shower of bastards. I just look at them thinking ‘What the fuck are you at? What the fuck’s your bloody game, mate? Are you kidding me or what?’ Of course you couldn’t actually say that. You couldn’t actually say that because it’s like everyone would straightaway be thinking ‘That’s not very spiritual of you! You’re not spiritual like we are to be talking like that…’ You stupid condescending fuck-witted twats! There’s no one as judgemental and narrow-minded as these so-called ‘spiritual types’, d’you know that? You’ll never meet anyone half as insincere and uptight and judgemental and just plain ‘up themselves’ as these so-called ‘spiritual types’. No sir you won’t. The biggest gobshyte you could ever meet in the street would be more spiritual than they would be, I’m telling you. Can you believe that? What a bloody joke, huh? And we all know it to be true, of course. No one’s really going to disagree with this statement.  I know very well that everyone else knows this too, it’s just that we don’t like to come out with it because we’re afraid that it would be unspiritual to come out with such harsh words. Unspiritual my hole! Don’t make me laugh. My pet hate is this non-violent communication bullshit that we keep hearing people go on about. Can you believe that shit? For God’s sake. ‘Oh you’re being violent in your communication!’ ‘You stupid dumb passive-aggressive little shytes!’ That’s what I’d like to say to them! You fuck-witted bunch of sad wankers. Just who the fuck d’you think you’re fucking kidding? Here’s a suggestion for you – why don’t you try being a bit more fucking honest about how you feel? There’s a suggestion for you. ‘Oh you can’t do that – that would be so violent’, you reply. You bet your hole it would be, buddy! You’re fucking RIGHT it would be…









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