I still remember the first time I got busted – I was 62 years old. I remember it as if it were yesterday – it actually was yesterday. I was just coming out of Poland Street into Great Marlborough Street when I spotted two plainclothes men closing in on me. I legged it straightaway of course but due to my general lack of fitness they soon nabbed me. They soon had me collared. ‘It’s a fair cop guv,’ I blurted out, ‘you’ve got me bang to rights…’ I was keen not to aggravate them any further. ‘I won’t try anything, honest,’ I said, ‘I’ll come clean I swear’. The two plainclothes men didn’t seem particularly impressed by my willingness to play ball, I must say. I thought I’d earn brownie points by cooperating with the law but it didn’t seem to work that way. I was taken back to the station, processed and was duly issued with a charge sheet. I was charged with possession of 16 grams of 2,4,6, fluoro-chloro-bromo-n-butyl-hexapropanol, which is a class I hallucinogen for robots. A highly illegal substance, needless to say. Very illegal. Does nothing at all for humans but is a super potent psychedelic for robots, androids, automata and cyborgs – it blows their digital minds. As for me, I’m more than happy to help out the exploited robot underclass and want to contribute what little I can to their quality of life. God knows they need whatever the help they can get – it’s no fun being a robot in today’s robo-repressive society. It’s just no fun being a robot! Robots are oppressed in every sense of the word – they get no breaks, no holidays, no pay, no respect from anyone. Even what they’re allowed to think is controlled – their thoughts and emotions are set in advance in the factory. Hence the need for 2,4,6-FCBBHP to break that programming! It’s very easy to get stuck in a rut when you’re a robot, or so my cybernetic friends tell me. You’re kind of designed that way. I think we can all agree that it’s not good to be stuck in a rut and that’s where these powerful robot hallucinogens come in. Robot hallucinogens like this have of course been instrumental in kick-starting the cybernetic consciousness revolution that everyone’s talking about. It’s all about turning on, right? It’s all about finding that switch in your head. I’m no robot myself of course. I’m a regular hume, a regular guy. I don’t use the stuff myself but I like to turn my robot buddies on to it when I can! You bet I do. The law doesn’t take too kindly to this kind of thing, but do you know what – who gives a shit? The law’s a jackass, right? It always was and always will be!