No One Ever Escapes From The Ego-Mind

My mind was babbling non-stop. My mind was full of fear and it would not stop babbling. ‘You’d better hope and pray, you’d better hope and pray’, said the words in my head. My mind had picked them up from the song that it had heard on the radio. It had latched onto them. It latched on to a lot of things. The words were like an audio loop that had got stuck in my head – they had become ‘the soundtrack to my life,’ as people say. ‘You better hope and pray, you’d better hope and pray’, said the soundtrack in my head. I was in the ego-mind and there was no help for me. I was in the ego-mind and I was never going to get out! No one ever escapes from the ego-mind, do you realise that? No one ever escaped and no one ever will. What fuels the ego-mind is our attempt to escape from it and we never can. How can we escape the ego-mind when it is our attempt to escape that fuels it and keeps it going? How can anyone ever escape from a thing like this? How can anyone ever escape from their own escaping? ‘I escaped from my own escaping, ‘you might tell me, in all seriousness, ‘I did it – I’m free!’ ‘Of course you did, ‘I will reply, ‘of course you did. Now fuck off and leave me alone.’ It’s the fantasy realm isn’t it? It’s all the fantasy realm. It’s the fantasy realm of what we will do when we escape from the ego-mind that no one ever escapes from. What fun we will have! What a great time we’ll have! Can’t you just taste it?’ We can’t wait to be there, we can’t wait to be reaping the fruits of our endeavours. Reaping the fruit, reaping the fruit. It’s all about reaping the old fruit isn’t it? Reaping the fruit of our endeavours. Reaping the fruits of our rich and oh-so-poignant fantasies. We can’t wait for it. We are hoping and praying that we get there soon. The sooner the better, right? The sooner the better. Don’t worry, it’ll happen soon. Keep telling yourself that. And then the next thing is that the fear kicks in – the fear that you won’t ever make it. You don’t need to tell me about that fear because it’s the constant backdrop to everything I do. Everything is played out against that constant backdrop. ‘You better hope and pray’, says the fear in my head. The fear in my head. It’s the only radio station I can find these days; I don’t seem to be able to tune into anything else. ‘Radio Fear,’ I call it. The Fear Station. The Fear Show. ‘Tune in for more fear the same time tomorrow!’ says the fear in my head. Says the fear in my head. Tune in for another dose of what you least want to hear! It’s the ultimate unwanted message, isn’t it? The Fear Message. Ignore it if you can! Pretend it’s not there! Pretend you can’t hear it. Pretend you haven’t tuned into the fear channel. You tuned in and you can’t tune out. You tuned in and you can’t tune out. My mind was babbling. My mind was full of fear. My mind was babbling non-stop. No one ever escapes from the ego-mind, do you realise that? No one has ever escaped and no one ever will. No one ever will…

 

 

 

 

 

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