Imposter Syndrome

You know that thing where sometimes you might just start to doubt yourself. You might just find yourself stepping into a deep puddle of self-doubt. But there could be a very good reason for that you see. Did you ever consider that? It might be the case that you don’t exist at all and you only imagine that you do. It could be that you’re just faking it. It’s all fiction in your mind and sometimes that fiction starts to wear just a little bit thin and it’s at moments such as this you find you’re unaccountably doubting yourself. For no good reason at all you’re doubting yourself only there is a reason. Let me paint you a picture. Paint a picture. Paint a picture. Let me paint you a picture. Sorry, I’m going a bit off track here – it’s all swings and roundabouts in this game, do you know that? You ought to know that. What you gain one moment you lose the next. When one door swings open another slams shut in your face. It’s no wonder you doubt yourself! It’s no wonder you get that feeling that things aren’t quite right. It’s no wonder that people get paranoid sometimes. Why wouldn’t they? Why wouldn’t anyone get paranoid? They could be a good reason for that you know. There could be a very good reason. Did you ever consider that? Did you ever worry when you give someone a lift that your car will smell all stale and sweaty? Because of you. Because of the way you are pretending to be real when you’re not. Because you’re fake. That always creates a bit of a bad smell. A bit of an unwholesome pong. People notice something like that – or so you might think. So you might suspect. It might start to prey on your mind. Let me paint you a picture. You’re walking down the street going about your business as usual and all of a sudden you start to doubt yourself. Am I really a person, you might wonder? Or am I only an impostor? And that’s it. That’s all it takes – you’ve got full-blown impostor syndrome! You’re impersonating an unreal person. You’re mimicking someone who isn’t really there and that’s a felony. You could be up in court for that. Pleading your case. Pretending to be a person. Pretending that you really do exist. For a brief while you might even start to believe it. You start to believe your own fiction. It becomes comfortable. You relax. Then doubt sets in and you find out that you’re out on a limb hanging out over a precipice. You walking on thin ice and everyone is looking at you in that way people have when they know something isn’t right. They know something doesn’t smell right. You’re trying to keep on pretending of course, but it’s only a reflex at this stage. Only a reflex. It’s nothing more than a reflex which persists out of pure pointless momentum and nothing more. There’s no reason for the lie you see. It’s a completely pointless lie. It doesn’t serve anyone – there’s no one there for it to serve….





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