Time Is Anxiety

What sort of flavour does reality have, I wondered. What would the taste of it be like? What kind of texture would it have? These are some of the questions that were going through my mind. I was very curious to know about reality – what kind of a thing would it turn out to be? This is such a tricky thing to think about – what are the guidelines after all? Perhaps – I find myself thinking – there is something else like reality that would give us a clue as to what exactly to expect? Something to go on, at least, so that we wouldn’t be totally in the dark. Would that be asking for too much? If it happened to be the case that there was some kind of partial analogue of reality floating around somewhere then that would help a lot. How is anyone supposed to just charge ahead blindly and get all tangled up in reality without knowing what to expect? It seems unfair, somehow. I was trying to turn the negative into a positive. I was trying to think of some kind of positive, life-affirming thought to make me feel better about my situation. It’s good to have to spend a little time every day engaging in some kind of life-affirming thoughts, I told myself. Perhaps thinking about how good it is to think life-affirming thoughts is itself a life-affirming thought? That seemed like a fair enough assumption. That seemed to make sense to me – in a kind of a way, at least. Everything seemed to make sense to me in a kind of a way – anything could make sense, if you looked at it in the right way. But then again the other side of the coin was that it wouldn’t if you didn’t. It wouldn’t mean shit-all. That could be worrying, if you could be bothered to worry about that kind of thing, which I for one am not! Life’s complicated enough anyway, if you ask me. I was searching for a thought that would help me to feel better about my situation but nothing came to hand. I searched and I searched but there was nothing there. I searched high and low, I looked in all the cupboards but the cupboards were bare. I couldn’t come up with a single life-affirming thought and this was a problem. I have to find a life-affirming thought, I thought, but this in itself wasn’t a life-affirming thought. It was the wrong type of thought entirely. How did that make you feel, you might ask, in all your innocence? What does it feel like when you go desperately searching for some kind of a positive thought, any kind of positive thought, and you just can’t find any? Well, I reply carefully, after giving the matter due consideration – it feels like fucking shit, what you expect? The point is that time is anxiety. Time is anxiety time is anxiety time is time is time is anxiety. Time is anxiety and all tasks become the same task, and I know you know very well just what exactly that task is! And please don’t waste my time by pretending that you don’t…







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