Gubbish Worm

My life was living itself. I didn’t have to bother myself about it too much – if at all really. There was nothing left for me to do, which I found a bit odd. I still had my hobbies of course, which all came down to various styles and modalities of self-sabotage. Needless to say! What else would you expect after all? Life’s kind of foolproof really – this is what I have come to understand, however slowly. Well, it actually is foolproof, not ‘kind of’. It needs to be you see because we are the fools. Bring on the fools, as the man said! Well – here we all are. Here I am. Smiling and waving up at you. Only not smiling so much…


Bring on the fools. Yes sir, bring them on. There’s no telling what they’ll do! Or maybe there is. Probably there is – don’t fools always do the same thing? That’s how we know that they’re fools – because they keep on doing the same old thing. Because they keep on doing exactly the same thing, no matter what. You have to give fools credit for that, they’re nothing if not consistent. It doesn’t matter how badly things got screwed up before, as a result of us doing all this stupid fool-type shit, we’re still going to do it again. We’re going to do it again and again. Like every time is the first time. Grinning like the fools we are every time. We’re going to keep at it, as obstinate as you like. You bet we are. You’ve got to admire our tenacity – we’re going to keep on doing the dumb stuff, the wrong stuff, no matter how much suffering it has caused us in the past. This is after all our sacred right, our sacred entitlement.


My life was living itself. I didn’t have to so much about it. Actually, I didn’t have to do anything about it and – as I have said – this pretty much frees me up to devote myself to my life-long task and primary pastime, which is to do my level best to screw things up. In whatever ways I can. I don’t really have to think about that too much either – it just comes naturally to me. When I actually notice that my life is so good at living itself – which is a rare enough eventuality because I’m usually much too preoccupied with all my habitual pestilential bullshit – I am absolutely astounded. I wish I could make that point more strongly – I am completely and utterly astounded by it. Then of course I forget about it again and fall back into the mire.


Back into the bloody old mire. Always the bloody old mire, huh? The bloody, bloody old mire. The bloody old mire of filthy degrading forgetfulness – that’s the ticket, hey boys? Wouldn’t you say? Damn straight it is. I’d like you all to stand up now my friends  and salute the flag – the flag of forgetfulness. Pause for a moment to take stock of our tremendous accomplishments in the field of bullshit. I stand up to make a speech – I feel that it’s called for. I ascend the podium and address the assembled dignitaries. A hush falls upon the crowd and I launch into my key-note speech. I’m an accomplished public speaker, of course. I’m nothing if not eloquent, if I say so myself. The effect is spoiled somewhat by the Gubbish worms that crawl out of my mouth as I speak, trembling with excitement as they do so. Eagerly anticipating their opportunity to spread their  vile corruption far and wide in this poor unfortunate world of ours…




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