The Spamuloid Universe

In the Spamuloid Universe spam no longer exists, it can no longer be isolated or identified. It can no longer even be conceived of! This is the essential paradox of the Spamuloid Universe. Spam is everything in this world and there is nothing that isn’t spam; spam is the basic substrate and that’s why there is no longer any such thing as it. This doesn’t mean that there is any actual value or substance in the SU however because there isn’t. The SU is a fundamentally dead or sterile universe but we just can’t see it as such; we can’t see it as such because we have nothing else to go on…


The astonishing thing here however is that we manage to find a way to live in it all the same. We somehow adapt to it, we someone manage to make a go of it. We do what we have to do in order to eke out some sort of an existence, no matter how meagre. But what a dire form of existence it is! It’s an existence that is no existence, it’s a life that is no life. It’s a phantom existence, a phantom life. It’s a fundamental law of the cosmos that nothing can come out of spam except more spam: spam gives rise to more spam, the spam universe generates yet more universes of spam, like so much toxic candyfloss. It costs nothing to manufacture spam. From spam you come and to spam shall ye return… It is but a short journey, when all is said and done; it is but a short hop from where we started to where we’re going and actually it’s no hop at all because it only takes place in the imagination! It’s an imaginary hop, an imaginary journey…


So what kind of a half-baked pseudo-existence is this? We’re forever on the hop and it’s not even a real hop. No sooner do we touch ground than we have to hop right up again and we not really hopping anyway – we just think we are. We’re hopping in our imaginations. We’re merrily hopping into unreality the whole time; we’re hopping into unreality because that’s where we think our salvation lies. That’s where we’re wrong though – wherever our salvation is to be found it certainly isn’t in the Spamuloid Universe! There’s no salvation to be had in the SU, there’s no salvation in spam. Nothing can ever come out of spam except for more spam, as we have said. This is the Cosmic Principle known as ‘the Irreversibility of Spam’. The SU is the most degraded universe there ever could be – there is  no state more degraded than this. It’s the end of the road. This is the ‘End Point’; this is the ultimate equilibrium state. This is the Graveyard of all Information….


Suppose it were possible to (inadvertently) create a waste product, a waste product so inert and so non-biodegradable that it ends up becoming the whole world for us. We have inadvertently created a Garbage World, in other words. Suppose that this outcome happened to be feasible, just for the sake of the argument. This what you might call a little ‘thought experiment’. No harm in it at all, no reason why we shouldn’t try it out and see where it leads. So then the next stage is to wake up and smell the roses and realize that this has already happened. We live in just such a world, just such a universe. There’s no need to imagine it – we have already reached this Entropic End Point. We’re already there, as safe as houses in the Spamuloid Universe…


You think I’m joking. Not so. I spam you not, my friends. I hate to be the bearer of bad news and all that but there’s no sense in trying to put a favourable spin on this. There’s no point trying to put a favourable slant on it because there isn’t one. We always think we’re so damn smart, don’t we? So bloody smart. We have smartness coming out of our ears. But what’s so smart about living in the Spamuloid Universe? What’s so smart about living in the SU without even knowing it? Do we want a medal for this spectacular feat? This spectacular feat of ours that requires no effort and no awareness on our part, but only dumb self-congratulatory compliance to the Law of Entropy? All it requires to live in the SU is the absence of effort, the absence of awareness. All it requires is that we obediently hand over all responsibility to the process of spamification. All it requires is that we become willing little spambots, ludicrously eager to do our bit for the cause!


Our thoughts are the spam and we are the spammers. We’re spamming our little hearts out – we’re spamming for Queen and Country, we’re spamming for the good old USA, we’re spamming for Jesus. We’re spamming for whatever. Spam me again why don’t you? You little beauty…. Spam is everywhere, spam is all around us but we never see it because we think it’s normal. Spam is our whole world. Thought is our whole world. We don’t think that it is, but it is. Only a fool would deny it. The Thought World is the only world we’ll ever know – it’s a seamless structure and there’s no getting out of it. It’s the Hotel California. You’ve heard the song so now buy the tee shirt! Nothing ever comes out of thoughts except more thoughts – that’s a Cosmic Principle, after all…





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