Passive Aggressive

I’m a bit passive aggressive when it comes to authority, I freely admit that. I don’t know any other way to be – for me, that’s the only way I have of dealing with authority. Although now that I come to think of it the fact that I admit to it must mean that I’m not really passive aggressive – after all, the whole point of being passive aggressive is that you don’t admit to it. Being transparent and up front about one’s habit of being passive aggressive is a contradiction in terms.

 

I know of course that the group facilitators would say that the fact that I have insight in to my passive aggressive stance in life is insight that is due to therapy, but I don’t believe that. They would say that it is evidence that the therapy is working. That is just laughable nonsense as far as I am concerned though. I hate therapy groups so much. Perhaps you can get that? I hate therapy groups with a passion and I’m not afraid to say it. They are so false – the only way to survive in a therapy group is by being false after all, which is rather perverse, to say the least! The only way to get by in a therapy group – as anyone who’s been in one knows, even if they won’t admit it – is to conform, like everyone else does. Conforming is the name of the game – conforming to whatever bullshit is being propagated. You have to go along with whatever the facilitators say and spout it back at them like good girls and boys. Then they’re happy. That’s what they call ‘therapy’. It’s enough to make you sick, isn’t it? Which again is a real irony. No one ever mentions this though – it’s not the done thing to mention it. It’s not the done thing to mention in a therapy group that therapy groups are shit. That’s an example of something you’re not allowed to say…

 

If you do come up with something like that they’ll simply say that you are ‘resisting therapy’! Everyone will then nod wisely. The group facilitators will look at each other and nod wisely. Oh yes he’s resisting therapy they say, full of therapist-smugness. Do group facilitators EVER get tired of being smug? Ah yes here we have a classic example of resistance which proves that we are right. Everything proves that we’re right when it comes down to it – it’s an impossibility for a group member to show that the facilitator is wrong. How can you challenge the facilitator, for God’s sake, when they have the whole weight of the group behind them? The slimy conformist bastards that they are, too cowardly to ever say what they really think. Not that I actually blame them, not really. What choice are we given? Conform or be labelled as therapy resistant. Conform or be told that you’re in denial of your personality faults. Conform or feel the full coercive pressure of the group against you. Who wants that?

 

Therapy groups are just microcosms of society really aren’t they? That’s a fairly obvious statement, once you make it. Pretty damn obvious entirely. One is a smaller version of the other. It’s all about learning to play the game. Learning what the game is, what the rules are, and then playing it to the best of your ability. Agreeing with all the bullshit because that’s the only thing to do. What choice do we have, after all? Although I’ve noticed that some people go along with all the bullshit with more eagerness than others!  You can always spot those ones, can’t you?The creepy slimy bastards. That’s society in a nutshell really isn’t it – everyone doing stuff they don’t really believe in, going along with the same tired old lies every day just for the sake of a quiet life. And some people actually getting off on it…

 

I do tend to be a bit passive aggressive I know. That’s my default setting. That’s my ‘go to’. I’m not claiming to be perfect or anything – I’m as screwed up as the next guy. I’ve got my issues. My problem is that I don’t like to be honest about how I really feel about things. I’ll nod and smile and make all the right noises but underneath it all I’m thinking “This is a load of shit”. I’ll smile and agree with apparent sincerity to do whatever I’m supposed to be doing but actually I haven’t the slightest intention of doing so. Not in a million years. But also what I’m doing is fooling myself that I intend to do it too – I actually believe my own promises. Which is no doubt why I am such a good liar. In reality nothing ever gets done though, and that’s my way of dealing with authority. Dysfunctional as it may sound. I’ve always been like that; I’ve been like that all my life, as far as I know.

 

That doesn’t mean I want to sit around in therapy groups listening to whatever vile creepy psychobabble it is that happens to be fashionable this decade though! Attendance is mandatory in this place however – there are no get out clauses. You just have to suck it up. You just have to suck it up and keep on smiling. That’s the name of the game, isn’t it? You have to keep on sucking it up. You have to keep on saying all the right things, all the things you know they want you to say. Like saying how you remembered to practice the therapy skills the other night and how it really worked for you. You have to keep on parroting back all that garbage-talk back at them, the meaningless dumb-ass therapy-lingo they like so much. Not that you mean a word of it, of course…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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