Turning Evil

Have you ever worried about turning evil? Sounds like a stupid question, huh? Sounds pretty stupid alright but it isn’t. It isn’t at all. Ah come on now what’s the worst that could happen? How bad can it get? Well you could turn evil, for a start! And it isn’t just ‘for a start’ either – there isn’t really anywhere else to go when you become evil. There aren’t a lot of possibilities in it. Things just don’t get any better when you turn evil. If you think that they do then you’ve got the wrong idea about evil.


There are no support groups that you can join when you become evil. Evil people just aren’t that supportive when it comes down to it – it’s just not in their nature. Other evil people aren’t going to support you – they’re fucking evil man! They’re not going to support anyone. There’s no known treatment for being evil either. There’s no therapy for it; there’s no handy medication that the psychiatrist can give you. What the hell would you call such a medication anyway? What neat name could you give it! Evilax? Can’t you just imagine all those lads in the drug companies working away on it, trying to figure out a name. Trying to decide on the best way to market the product, the best slogans to put out there? How to reduce the visible signs of evil. What a winner that would be! Only not really. The drug company executives would have to take it themselves so how are they ever going to make any profit? They can hardly be expected make a profit if they’re consuming their own product…


I guess I could write some health education information packs on ‘how to tell if you’re turning evil’. The ten signs to watch out for. How to spot evil tendencies before they take hold. How to challenge evil thinking. CBT for evil people. I know you think I’m joking. That’s because you don’t get it. You’re blind to it. You have no comprehension of what it means to be evil – it’s only a word to you, probably. You just don’t get it… When you turn evil it’s only a matter of time before you become an evil spirit. The human phase is all too brief. It’s like being a caterpillar – you go around munching a few leaves and then the next thing is – Bang!!! – you’ve metamorphosized into the next phase of your existence. You’re a butterfly. Or rather you’re not – you’re an evil spirit…


Evil spirits are real. It’s like you’re a bad smell in the room. A very bad smell. An embarrassingly bad smell – like a fart that won’t disperse. It’s like you’re a twisty bit of smoke writhing around in the air. You’re holding onto yourself even though you’re bad. Like a bad egg. Not good at all. Full of badness. But you’re never going to let go of yourself because you’re far too terrified to do that. Or far too greedy. If you’re strong enough then maybe you can influence people and make them do things. Bad things, obviously. And if you’re not strong you just have to drift impotently around. Thinking bad thoughts. Hating and resenting the whole world because you’re so damn evil. Feeding on your own malignancy…


Doesn’t sound like much fun does it? Not exactly a barrel of laughs. No sir it certainly isn’t. So maybe you should worry about turning evil, huh? Maybe that isn’t such a stupid thing to do. Not that worrying about it is ever going to help you any. Is sure as hell hasn’t helped me… What sort of help do you think there is, anyway?






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