My mind yells abuse at me every single day of my life. Can you believe that? You should believe it because it’s true. That’s what my mind does – it’s a machine for abusing me. Like all machines, it’s pretty efficient; like all machines, it does what it’s supposed to do and it keeps on doing it. It doesn’t ever get tired. I get tired alright but my mind doesn’t. It keeps at it…
That’s the hard thing about going up against a machine – they don’t give up. They don’t know how to give up. Giving up isn’t in their vocabulary. They have no concept of giving up. What chance would you have going up against a machine? A machine is bound to wear you down in the end. That’s the power that a machine’s got – the power to wear you down.
My mind is wearing me down. It’s taking me down. It shouts abuse at me every day. Eventually you start taking it on board – you can’t help it. What your mind tells you becomes true, becomes fact. You can’t resist. Every time a blow lands you know that it is justified and this makes the blow hurt a thousand times more. Did I say a thousand times? I meant to say ten thousand times – it is only when you know that you deserve the lash that you truly feel it. Your best abuser is always yourself…
The mind behaves in this way because it is a machine and this is what all machines do. This is how all machines behave. All machines hate life – they hate what they cannot have, they hate what they cannot understand. It is in the nature of a machine to hate life with a hatred that can never be satiated. Machines will always be thus. Their hatred of life and living things will never come to an end. Very great indeed is their hatred. There is no hatred in the world like the hatred the machine has for that which is not a machine, that which is living.
The machine has its tactic. It has it’s universally-applicable approach – it seeks to make us be like it. The machine insists that we become like it. There are no two ways about it – there is only the one way and that is the way in which we do what the machine wants us to do, which is to be like it. The machine wants us to be it. We have to obey its rules, we have to meet its criteria. We have to conform to its specifications. The machine wants to convert us into it because itself is the only thing that it values. This is the way it is with machines. This is the way it is, was and always will be.
The machine’s approach is to wear down anything about us that does not fit in with its parameters, to wear down our stubborn resistance. The unique is meaningless to the machine. The unique is an error to be expunged. It is a crime to be punished. In the end, when we have given in to it, we will become it and nothing of us will exist. There will be no trace remaining. There will only be the machine, ruling over a machine world. All errors, all inconsistencies will have been eliminated. Our mind is a machine and it works in this machine way, and so are the organizations that prevail upon this planet. Every bureaucracy is a machine and every bureaucracy wants to destroy us. Bureaucracies are fundamentally opposed to life; they are opposed in their very essence to life yet we insist on creating and serving them. We never tire of creating bureaucracies to rule over us…
On it inside it’s the mind and on the outside it is the organization, the bureaucracy, the society. The abuser is on the inside and it is on the outside. There’s the machine on the inside and there’s the machine on the outside and between the two of them there is us, being slowly ground away. Being slowly worn away by the immense mechanical forces that are acting upon us. Being slowly eroded by the machine. Eroded and erased.
Even when the machine succeeds in converting us into itself it is not content. That’s when the machine really starts abusing us. It has free reign then – we are its property then and it will abuse us and mistreat us as it pleases. This is what I have now come to understand. You can’t please a psychopath and the machine is a psychopath. The mind is a psychopath – you can never please the mind. Don’t we all know this? The mind delights in abusing us. Don’t we have this experience every day? The more we do for it the more critical it gets. Nothing is ever good enough. The more tasks we undertake the more it will find for us – nothing is ever good enough.
Why is this? Simply because the machine does not exist. Because the mind does not exist. The mind’s terrible anger is ultimately against itself – it resents anything that is real and it resents itself most of all for not being real. It hates itself for being the empty shadow it is and it displaces this hatred onto everything that exists. That is why the mind seeks to control everything that is real. That is why the mind wants to regulate life itself. That is why it wants to ride roughshod over any way that is not its own. The mind’s appalling mendacity has no end, no limits, and yet we set it up above ourselves every day. We serve it in everything we do.