The Big Mistake

Yeah yeah yeah. Life? Been there, done that. Says the little wise-guy in my head. The little smart-ass. That wise-guy is me. I am that smart-ass. Yeah yeah yeah my mind says you wanna know the answer? I’ll tell you the answer. I’ve got all the answers. Don’t worry about those other fellows they don’t know anything they don’t know what they are talking about they’re just a bunch of lame-ass chancers. Don’t listen to them. My mind jabbered on and on like the wise-guy it was. It always had to be saying something. It couldn’t ever shut up. I wasn’t even in reality any more. I was in hyperreality. I was stuck in the realm of the hyperreal. I had imploded – I had collapsed under the weight of my own horrendously toxic stupidity and had become a degenerate analogue of myself. I was imploding and imploding into a subterranean realm of indefatigable ignorance – ignorance that was so dense and so opaque that nothing could ever penetrate it. The ignorance was totally impregnable. I was a grotesque caricature  – a puppet manipulated by illusions. I didn’t know any of that at the time of course – this is a kind of sort of voice-over just to fill you in. The narrator’s voice. Just to let you know what the story was. It’s a kind of a cautionary tale, I guess you could say. As in ‘watch out you guys – don’t make the same type of stupid mistake that I did!’ Yeah? You really don’t want to do that. By jingo you don’t. You really don’t. I kind of know what I’m talking about here – I’m talking about the ultimate stupid mistake here they don’t come any more ultimate than this. Boy did I ever make a mistake! Boy did I ever. Did I ever. That was a real humdinger – no dinger ever hummed as much as that, I’m telling you! No dinger ever hummed. No dinger ever hummed. No dinger ever hummed. No dinger ever hummed. But then again – I’m just thinking now – was it a mistake? Something inside me is telling me that I never had any choice, that there was no choice about it. I never even knew what I was doing after all. How could I have seen where I was headed, coming from where I was coming from? How was I to know? I never had a chance. I can see that now of course but that’s only after I made the mistake and that’s a different matter all together. You have to make the mistake in order to see it. The mistake is necessary. You have to make the mistake before you can learn about the mistake. That’s what I keep telling myself, anyway…




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