Yaldoboath

I suddenly realized that all of this glorious, glorious creation was my own accomplishment. I had done it. I had made it. I was the Creator! This realization went straight to my head: “I am the Creator!” I roared at the top of my voice, drunk on my own power. “I am the Omnipotent One!” I bellowed triumphantly, swelling up like a giant Cosmic Toad, an unspeakably ugly Cosmic Toad that straddled the whole of the Universe.

 

I busied myself consolidating my Dominion. I created the Archons. It was their task to instigate my will and crush all resistance. I created innumerable lesser evil beings to assist the Archons in their work. I invented bureaucracy and commissioned an army of bureaucrats to afflict humanity with their pestilence.  And all the time I was exultant beyond measure: “I am God, I am God, I am God” I squawked maniacally like a giant Cosmic Parrot. “Great is my name” I yelled indiscriminately. I had become grotesquely inflated like some kind of a Cosmic Puffer Fish and my spiky scales were sticking outwards aggressively in all directions.  “I am the Lord Thy God and you will have no God but Me!” I crowed like a Cosmic Cockerel…

 

Just then I heard a voice that issued from Incorruptibility: “You are mistaken, Samael,” the voice said but I ignored it. The voice did not know what it was talking about. I continued about the business of consolidating my dominion. I captured the soul-sparks and imprisoned them in my dark Kingdom of Lies. I made them blind to the truth. I made them to see only what I wanted them to see. I caused them to forget their original Divine Nature and be subservient to me.  I fashioned the Black Iron Prison for the soul-sparks to live in and I deluded them as to their true nature. I gave them nonsensical religions to believe in. I gave my servants the Archons immense malign power and I set them up in positions of authority. They became the rulers of men from behind the scenes and great was the misery they inflicted in my Name.

 

 “I am the Supreme Being, Creator of All!” I thundered, inexhaustible in my tirade, “Great shall be the suffering of those who go against Me.” I set myself up on a Great Throne overlooking my Kingdom of Lies and amused myself by creating terrible hells for those who disobeyed my Word. I collected sycophants around me. All the usual stuff, really. I’m sure you’ve heard it all before…

 

All the things that I found fitting I carried out and it was good. I thought it was good anyway, and that’s what counts! I kind of lost track of what happened after that and the next I knew I was coming to slumped over on the sofa in my flat, the game-controller still clutched in my hand. As I gradually regained consciousness I became aware, with growing disgust, that I had soiled myself yet again…

 

 

 

 

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