I Realized I Had Invented Positive Thinking

I was trying to pretend that the bad thing hadn’t happened. ‘The bad thing hasn’t happened, the bad thing hasn’t happened, the bad thing hasn’t happened’, I chanted nervously. But this was no good – I kept reminding myself of the bad thing every time I told myself that it hadn’t happened! I changed my tactics, ‘there is no bad thing, there is no bad thing, there is no bad thing…’ I declared forcefully. But this was no good either, for the very same reason. I had to completely rethink my approach. Then it came to me – I would assert the positive. ‘Everything is great, everything is great, everything is great!’ I told myself ferevently. This did the trick! I was walking on water. My feet weren’t touching the ground. I realized that I had invented positive thinking. I had invented positive thinking and it was a runaway success…


‘Everything is great!’ was my new battle cry. No mention of anything bad anywhere. Just keep talking about the good stuff, the stuff we all like to hear about. Isn’t it great that everything is great, I asked everyone I met. It’s A1 super-duper. It’s totally radical. No mention of that old bad thing anywhere. Just smiles. Smiling faces all around. Smiling laughing, smiling laughing, smiling laughing. So happy, so smiley. Positive, upbeat conversation. Let’s talk about some positive stuff, I say to my friends. Or I would say if I had any. Let’s dwell on the positive and how great the positive is. Who could ever get tired of thinking positive thoughts, who would ever get tired of saying how great it is to be positive? It’s the dream ticket!


I should become a therapist or psychologist, I realized. I have a vocation. I could help people. I could tell everyone to dwell on the positive and straightaway they would feel better. I know it works for me! Just think about all the positive things that have happened to you in your life, I would tell my clients. I know you may have forgotten them. Make a list. You can bring it along next week and we will discuss it. We can have a good old talk about all the positives you have discovered that you didn’t even know were there. Now doesn’t that make you feel better, I would say. You see how silly you were to be forever thinking about the negative. That was wrong. That was very negative of you, you see. Negative isn’t good. Negative is non-therapeutic…


But I wouldn’t judge them for being so silly, of course. I wouldn’t judge them at all. Judging isn’t good. Judging isn’t being positive. You can’t be judging your clients if you are a therapist or a psychologist. You just have to tell them about how great it is to be thinking the positive thoughts. How therapeutic it is. You just have to remind them, in case they forget. In case they revert. In case they revert back to their old ways… Like the stupid dumb bastards they are.




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