Joe Normal

When you aren’t human any more then you have to learn to pretend. Isn’t that the way of it? If you can’t make it then you have to fake it. You have to figure it out, you have to come up with some sort of recipe. You have to come up with some sort of formula. “Hey guys, guess what – I’m human too! Just like you lads. Exactly the same – no difference at all. How cool is that? Let’s talk about some of that good old human stuff…” How to come off like a person. How not to keep dropping clangers. How to relate. How to say genuine human things and not stand out like a vegan in an Argentinean Steak House.  Or a Nazi at a bar mitzvah. Heh heh heh. I’m only messing… It’s not that hard! There’s nothing to it, really. It’s just a matter of having the right formula. How many people out there do you think are for real? Not as many as you think, buddy! Not nearly as many. They’re playing the game. Trying it on. Trying it out for size. Putting it out there. Hey buddy I’m human too. Just like you. Cool, isn’t it? I think it happens when you lose your sense of humour. One day it’s just gone. Everything just grates – people say stuff to you and it grates on you. What they say grates. The fact that they are talking to you grates. They tell you stuff that’s happening for them and you’re just thinking ‘Why are you telling me this?” You don’t say this, naturally. You don’t let on that they’re grating on your nerves. You cover it up – you come out with some sort of formulaic response. Some kind of standard reply. I know what you’re saying there buddy. I really get that. Yeah. Right on. Joe Normal, that’s me. Only I’m not – I’m from another planet entirely. I’m from the planet “And you’re telling me this why?” I’m from the planet “Do you think I’m actually interested in this crap?” Life just stops being funny one day. People stop being funny. If they ever were. Everything they say grates on your nerves like a rusty cheese grater and you wish they would shut up. They’re such odd things, people. Totally self-engrossed. Totally preoccupied with their own dumb shit. All they care about is the stupid banal drama that is their life. Yes that’s really interesting please tell me more about your stupid life. About the upsetting thing that just happened to you. Or tell me about your feelings. That’s always a good one! Feelings. Tell me how you feel about things. Yeah – I totally get that. I feel stuff about things too. Yeah. I really do get that. I’m hearing you. I totally know what you’re saying there…







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