I Am Worried About The IOS

I am worried about the Infestation of Satan. Concerned would be a better word, I suppose, since there’s no point in worrying at this stage. No point in worrying when it’s ‘fait accomplis’. Everywhere I look I see the Infestation of Satan, or IOS as I call it. It’s rife. It’s all-pervasive. It’s ubiquitous. It has worked its way insidiously into the very fabric of our existence. Everywhere I look I can see people going about their daily business of maintaining and consolidating the IOS. This business has a grip like you wouldn’t believe. You see how busy people are? They’re all busy with Satan’s work. You see how busy the world is? That’s all to do with doing Satan’s will. The world’s as busy and bustling as it is because everyone’s hard at work doing Satan’s will. What else did you think it was about? You think it’s all for the greater good of human-kind, perhaps? Look again, my friend. Take a better look this time…

 

You know all the forms you have to fill in before you can even take a fart? That’s the Infestation of Satan. Your PPS number – that’s the Infestation of Satan too. The politicians who are all talking shyte as fast as their mouths will let them – that’s the IOS. You ever met a lawyer? Of course you did. He or she is part of the IOS, you can be sure. Accountants too. And advertising executives, and pharmacists, but especially lawyers. And those horrific characters you meet working in Human Resources – the ones who smile without meaning it. HR equals Satan. And also of course we have to include all the businessmen and women who strut around the place as if they were doing the world a service – that whole world of commerce and all that pernicious jargon of theirs stinks to high heaven of the IOS. The corporate types. The suits. The reek would curdle milk at a thousand paces. It’d curdle the blood in your veins. The reek is diabolical.

 

Somehow, life’s become all about doing Satan’s bidding. So insidious we never noticed it happening. We certainly don’t notice it now that it has happened – we just take it for granted that we have to do all this stuff, that we have to be always filling in all these forms, be adhering to all these rules and regulations, be abiding by all these policies and procedures. Who do you think is responsible for all this bullshit? Who do you think creates all the policies and procedures? You think it’s the ‘proper authorities’? Think again my friend. Think a bit harder about it this time. Give the matter some more thought. It’s Satan who writes all these policies. It’s Satan who makes all the rules and regulations. It’s Satan who wants us to be filling in all these forms all the time, and wasting our lives with pointless bureaucracy. He’s a busy chap, Satan. He’s got a lot on his plate. He’s got a lot to be taking care of. His job is to screw up a good thing as thoroughly as possible – to turn a blessing into a curse and make our own lives a burden to us, a misery to us. All in the name of being responsible citizens. All in the name of the greater good. And don’t try to tell me that he isn’t doing a damn good job of it…

 

My point is of course that we can’t blame Satan for this debacle. He’s doing his job and he’s doing it with admirable skill and dedication. You’ve got to admire his audacity – it’s pure genius. He’s getting us to do all the work for him. He’s fulfilling his brief in a supremely accomplished way. What does all this say about us, though? What kind of jack-asses are we? We’re vying with each other to see who can follow Satan’s will most enthusiastically, to see who can swallow the most bullshit and yet keep a straight face throughout. We’re competing with each other to see who can gain the most prestige for being the biggest dope. Tell me that this isn’t what we’re doing. Go on – tell me that this isn’t true! I dare you. Tell me that we’re not all screwing ourselves every day of the year and making a virtue of it. Going around with our heads jammed right up our arses the whole time and claiming that this is a good thing. Turning life itself into a tedious chore and calling it ‘progress’. See if you can say this without feeling like the biggest knob in the universe…

 

 

 

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