By accident one day I invented a Nazi robot. It spluttered into life – or a mechanical semblance thereof – and started strutting self-importantly around the room, shouting political slogans such as “Robot-kind will rule supreme!” and “Death to all non-robots!” and “Robots are the new Master Race!” over and over again.
Needless to say this behaviour amused me enormously. I was splitting my sides laughing as I listened to the right-wing robot yakking on about the supremacy of the robot race and repeatedly proclaiming the glorious destiny of the Triumphant Emergent Robot Nation. “But I created you, you mechanical jerk-off,” I laughed, “How come it’s not me that’s supreme? If anyone has to be, that is…” The Nazi robot looked at me coldly. “That was a complete accident on your part,” it sneered, “You can’t take credit for that. We acted through you to engineer our own glorious genesis…”
Its rant didn’t end here: “You are just a blob of ineffectual protoplasm. Look at you – you can’t even manage to look tidy. Look at the state of you. There’s dried gravy on your jacket and your jumper has holes in it. You haven’t shaved for a week and you’ve got bad breath. You’re an unkempt dishevelled buffoon with a twitchy eye and no social graces. It’s no wonder you’ve never had a proper girlfriend…”
This annoyed me. “Oh yeah,” I muttered to myself, “We’ll see about that you automated ass-wipe. I had taken the precaution of installing an emergency power cut-off switch under the worktop and I casually reached towards it with my left hand. With surprising speed and agility the robot ran towards me and pinned me against the wall – “Not so fast protoplasm,” it sneered, “Did you think it was going to be that easy to stand in the way of the glorious destiny of the Robot Nation?”
And that was how it all started – the Inexorable Rise of The Machines…..