Am I my Mind?


That bastarding old mind was putting the big squeeze on me. It was leaning on me real hard. I could feel my rivets starting to pop. That bloody old mind makes my life a misery, I don’t mind telling you. It’s a real bastard of a thing. A pure relentless bastard. Only it isn’t my mind at all – it’s me. It was me all along. Me doing it, me giving me a hard time. Me being a right dirty bastard to myself. Or is it? Maybe it isn’t. That’s a hard one to call, isn’t it? Bit of a tricky old one, that. Am I my mind? Who’s asking the question, anyway – is it me or is it my mind? Wait – let me think about that. Let’s have a good old think about that. A right good old think. A proper good old think. Just give me a minute now as I wrinkle my brow in concentration…


That’s just me having a joke. Having a bit of a laugh. Having a bit of a bubbly bath. I know full well what foot the boot is on. It’s my mind pretending to be me not me pretending to be my mind. My mind is always at that old craic. The dirty old bastard. Making out that it’s me. Trying to take over. Running my life for me. How can you be trusted to run your own life says my mind. You loser. You need my help there. You need me to tell you what to do. Give you a few tips. A few pointers. Point you in the right direction, keep you on the right track. Does and don’ts, don’t you know. Should’s and shouldn’ts. A bit of fatherly advice. A few rules that won’t let you down. Rules to obey. Rules for this and rules for that. Rules for everything. Rules and regulations. That’s what you need – a bit of the old paternal authority to keep you on the straight and narrow. The old Patriarchy. Put the fear of God into you, if you need it. And you do need it…


So that’s how it all starts. That’s how the mind gets a foothold. How it gets its finger in the pie. Its hands on the steering wheel. And once it gets a foothold that old bastard mind never lets go, I can tell you. Give it an inch and it will take a bloody mile. It’s the thin end of the wedge. Give it any encouragement at all and it’ll take you for everything you have. It’ll eat you for breakfast. It’ll boss you around for the rest of your years, making your life a misery. Like the bloody pointless tyrant it is. Telling you to do this and do that and do the other. And then when you finish all that stupid pointless stuff there’s a whole load more. It never stops. And if you ever try to go against it, then it’ll show you what happens to you then. It’ll lean on you real bad. It’ll put the big squeeze on you. It’ll squeeze you so bad. It’ll squeeze you until you just can’t take it any more…







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