I have become weak and lazy. Weak and lazy, weak and lazy, weak and lazy. That’s me. Needless to say, I don’t exactly feel very good about this but the problem is that I’m just too lazy to do anything about it! That sounds like a joke but it isn’t. Getting out of the situation I’ve got myself into is just too hard for me. Anything’s too hard for me really, anything at all. Everything’s too much effort – even doing nothing is too much effort…

What a shitty to be in huh? Shitty situations just don’t get any shittier than this. This really is the worst. I really am in a bad place. As you can see, I’m prone to self-pity as well as being totally weak and lazy. What a combination! No wonder I feel so bad. Lazy and weak, lazy and weak, lazy and weak, and a pathetic self-pitying bastard into the bargain! No wonder I don’t feel very good about myself. I don’t exactly deserve to feel good, do I? I deserve to feel as bad as I do for being such a pathetic useless bastard. You get what you deserve, really so I should just shut up and take it. Useless loser that I am.

So as you can see that a now have yet another thing to add to the list – self-loathing and self-recrimination. Things just go on getting worse and worse, don’t they? Once things get bad in the first place then that’s it – they generally get worse. For me they get worse, anyway. This seems to be a kind of a rule, as far as I can see – that as soon as one or two things go wrong then that gives the go-ahead for everything else to go wrong as well! Why not, huh? As if it were not enough that you have to have bad luck in the first place, you have to have a whole shit load more. Once the first bad thing happens to you then it’s as if the mark is on you so that every other bad thing going knows to happen to you too. Whilst other people get away scot-free!

So there you are. Or rather, there I am – a weak and lazy self-pitying self-critical worthless bitter little shit who is jealous of other people who don’t happen to have all my problems, all my personality defects…

It doesn’t do me any good to get all introspective like this, it really doesn’t. It puts me in a bad space. This type of introspection really doesn’t work for me, which is why I don’t usually indulge in it. Only on the rare occasion do I allow myself to sink into it and then I have to snap out of it quickly again because – as I say – it doesn’t work for me. What does work for me – just in case you’re interested – is being a complete and utter BASTARD!