Negative Kudos


I was creating unreal private universes inside my own head and they were multiplying like wildfire. I was creating loads of them, untold reams of them. This isn’t a particularly hard thing to do as it happens so I can’t really take much credit for it. I can’t accept much in the way of kudos for the creation of these unreal private universes therefore – it’s not exactly what you’d call an accomplishment’! The thing is, you see, that the unreal universes were never really created in the first place. They were never created in the first place because they’re not really here.


There’s more to it than just this however. I know it might sound like there’s nothing more to say on the matter but I’m afraid there very much is. There’s a whole load of stuff that I haven’t said yet and which I need to say, a whole load of stuff that I need to get off my chest. You see these unreal universes aren’t really there but this doesn’t stop them controlling every aspect of my life. They are controlling me the whole time – they never stop controlling me. That’s pretty much what happens when you create unreal private universes in your own head – they control the hell out of you. They micromanage every aspect of your life, they micromanage you right down to the very last detail…


You will excuse me if I don’t seem to be making any sense here but I know what I’m talking about even if no one else does. Or maybe I don’t know what I’m talking about – maybe the unreal private universes are controlling me to make me think that I know what I’m talking about. That’s the kind of problem I’m dealing with here you see. Trying to deal with, rather. Or perhaps I should say that it’s the type of problem that I think I’m trying to deal with…


If I can come back to what I was trying to explain when I started off with all this. I‘m getting a bit ahead of myself here. I was saying that it wasn’t exactly what you’d call a ‘difficult’ kind of a thing to create all those unreal universes. This isn’t quite it though. It’s not really correct to observe – as I did earlier– that there is no kudos attached to this particular ‘achievement’. There is negative kudos attached to it. Serious negative kudos. It’s quite a lot like being parasitized – there’s not a lot of kudos involved in being the unwitting host for a whole shit-load of unpleasant parasites, particularly when these parasites are controlling your thinking for you and generally treating you like their stooge, their dogsbody, their laughable gimp. That’s what these parasitic unreal private universes do you see. That’s how they operate. That’s what they’re at…


So strictly speaking when I started off with all this I shouldn’t really have said that I was creating unreal private universes in my own head – that’s not how it was at all. It was the other way around – the boot was on the other foot, you could say. I don’t mean to say that the unreal universes were creating me (although then again perhaps they were); what I mean is that I was creating these unreal private universes because they wanted me to, because they were controlling me to. They were pulling my strings, they were making me think that it was me in the driving seat, deciding to do this and deciding to do that. The unreal universes in my head were pulling my strings to make me think that it was me pulling the strings….


So this is what I mean when I say that creating private unreal universes wasn’t exactly hard. It’s not that I had to think long and hard to come up with the inspiration. I was just a dumb and stupid tool. I did whatever I was told without even knowing that I was doing what I was told. The unreal private universes were operating through me to create themselves. That’s what they wanted from me – nothing else. They compelled and coerced me every step of the way. It was like some kind of sick addiction. Where’s the kudos in being an addict? Where’s the kudos in being a dumb stupid tool? Where’s the kudos in being a total muppet-gimp? You can see I’m sure why I’m feeling as bad about all this as I do…












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