Fear of Therapy


I’ve got a bit of a problem. A bit of an insecurity problem, you could say. What happens is that I feel insecure about myself and so then what I do to make myself feel better is that I pick on people who are weaker than me. I taunt them and mock them and try to make them feel unhappy. What I do is that I run up to people and try to put them down. I might run up to someone in the street and shout, “I’m better than you are, I’m better than you are, I’m better than you are!” Or I might shout something like, “You’re pathetic!” or “You’re a loser!” and then pull a face at them to make sure they got the point. I’d say stuff like this hoping that this would help me feel better.


It isn’t always successful. Sometimes people just ignore me and that doesn’t really help. Other times they shout back at me and call me bad names and this doesn’t help either. Sometimes they go to hit me or throw things at me and this definitely isn’t too good. What I do in this case is that I just run away as fast as I can. Getting hit isn’t part of the plan. And I have to face the fact that I’m not big enough or strong enough or courageous to actually take anyone on. I’d be too afraid of being hurt…


I might be insecure but I’m not stupid – I don’t pick on people if they look aggressive or mean or scary or if they look as if they could catch me if they ran after me. I’m not looking to get my head kicked in – which admittedly has happened once or twice in the past as a result of miscalculation on my part. What I generally do is that I pick on people who are either a lot younger or a lot older than me. Or people who are clearly frail or disabled in some way. I like to pick on frail people – I kind of specialize in that. When I get the opportunity – and there’s no one else around to interfere – I run up to them and say something like “You’re a loser!” or “You’re pathetic!” or “You’re a retard!” and pull a face at them. If they obviously can’t do anything about it then I stick around and taunt them some more. I taunt them a lot. I really try to get at them, to make the taunts stick and make them feel really bad inside. When I can do that then this makes me feel a lot better about myself. It really does help with my feelings of insecurity.


Sometimes people tell me I should go and get therapy. I don’t like the idea of this. I have a fear of therapy. The therapist might challenge me – they might try to get me to admit that it’s me that’s pathetic, that it’s me that’s the loser, and I wouldn’t like that. I’d rather just carry on the way I am, which I enjoy. I’d rather carry on taking it out on other people – other people who are weaker than me or vulnerable or disabled in some way…





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