I was pissed off because stuff wasn’t funny anymore. Stuff used to be funny but now for some reason it just wasn’t. “It’s just not fucking funny anymore” I kept saying to myself. The more I said this is the more incensed I became. The more I felt like lashing out and making somebody pay. “Why isn’t stuff funny anymore?” I raged, “Why does everything have to be so crap?” I couldn’t believe this. I just flatly couldn’t believe it. “WHY DO THINGS HAVE TO BE SO SHIT?” I screamed, beside myself with outraged indignation. “WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?” I really did feel like punching somebody in the head. I couldn’t think who – and anyway when it came to it I’d be afraid that they’d punch me back – but I swear to God I really did want to take it out on someone. I had this kind of a feeling that I had been caught out, that somebody had played a trick on me. I had the feeling that someone was making a fool out of me. I’d been lulled into a false sense of security and then sucker-punched in the kidneys. Nothing hurts more than being taken completely by surprise like this, I can tell you. If you’re expecting it that’s one thing. If you can see it coming that’s kind of OK. I never saw this coming though. I was reeling from the shock. I had just been knocked for six. I couldn’t believe it – it was as if the rug had been pulled out from under me. One day I had had my life going OK for me and everything had been great, everything had been fine, everything had been funny, and now here I was with everything turned into shit! One day there I was with everything going along just fine and everything was a laugh, everything was a gas, and then the next thing was that it was all a total pile of shit. “How could my life get so shit?” I raged again, completely beside myself with uncomprehending indignation. I wasn’t going to take it. “It’s shit, it’s shit, it’s shit!” I screamed. I kept on screaming: “Why does everything have to be so shit?” I really couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t get my head around it at all. I kept feeling that it wasn’t true, that it was all a dream and that I’d wake up any minute and everything would be OK again, that everything would be a laugh again, but this never happened. Things carried on being shit. I couldn’t believe that this could happen to me. I just could not believe it. What had I done to deserve this?