The advert told me that I should be making some kind of statement in life. That way, it told me, I’d stand out. People would notice me. I’d stand out as an actual unique individual rather than being just an instantaneously forgettable generic blank. This got my goat. I hated these intrusive adverts anyway, at the best of times. I loathed them with a passion. “So you’re saying that I’m some kind of faceless generic blank then.” I asked it, spoiling for a fight. Actually I should mention here that answering adverts back is the very WORST thing you can do – it encourages them. “Everyone’s just a blank face in the crowd until they can prove otherwise Nick,” the holo-ad replied philosophically. “Everyone’s a loser until they can prove that they’re not. That’s just the way it is. You shouldn’t take being an instantaneously forgettable blank person personally Nick; blank is the default position. That’s where we all start off from. We evolve from being blank – that’s the start of our journey. When was the last time anyone found anything you had to say interesting, Nick? When was the last time anyone gave you so much as a second glance as they walked by you in the street?”
This annoyed me even more because I knew it was true. “Fuck you,” I said. “What the fuck do you know anyway? You’re just a stupid prerecorded holographic advert…”
There was a moment’s silence as the advert gracefully absorbed my insult. “I know that Nick,” it replied in a self-effacing manner, “but really and truly I’m only trying to help you.”
It had me hooked and it was reeling me in. “OK,” I answered cockily, “What should I do? What should I make a statement about?”
This was a stupid question and I knew it the moment I said it, but the ad continued on seamlessly with its patter. “If you choose the right product, Nick,” it said, “that will say something about you. If you choose the product of distinction, the preferred product, that will put you in the frame as a man of distinction, a man of discernment and taste. Product of distinction, man of distinction. The PRODUCT is the statement Nick. Let the product do the talking is what I always say…”
“You only always say that because you’re fucking PROGRAMMED to say it, you fuck-witted retarded moron of a hologram.” I said rather nastily, “the only statement I’d be making if I was stupid enough to listen to you would be that I am a complete tosser!”
This was only empty bravado though. Just a bit of attitude on my part. In the end I bought the product. In the end I ALWAYS buy the product…
