The Web


I heard the other day that the interweb was full of spiders, and ever since then I have not been able to stop thinking about it. I have never been particularly happy around spiders, although I wouldn’t say that I have an actual phobia about them or anything like that. Neither do I have a phobia about computers – I like Facebook or You Tube as much as the next person.


But when I heard about all the web-spiders and web-crawlers and all that sort of thing that really did it for me. The penny dropped. It makes perfect sense after all – why wouldn’t there be robot spiders roaming around the web? Why should this come as a surprise? Where there’s a web there’s generally a spider or two not too far away…


But then after hearing about the spiders it was like I had figured something out. When I sit for hours on Facebook or You Tube, wishing on some deep-down level that I could break free and go and do something else, but at the same time fundamentally unable to do this, then – I figured – this must be because of the web-spiders. This is after all what spiders do – they paralyse their prey. That’s their trick. Then maybe they lay their eggs on you, or in you, or whatever. I must be full of eggs at this stage, it occurred to me. I must be chock-a-block with the eggs of the invisible web-spiders.


The thought of this freaks me out. It fills me full of dread and horror, and yet because it is such a morbid fascination I cannot stop going over and over it in my head. I sit around for hours obsessing over it. As I say, I can’t sleep at nights. I can visualize the virtual egg clusters as if in full HD, nestling amongst my neural networks, waiting to hatch. And when they do hatch, what’ll happen to me then? What’s the next phase?


This isn’t to say that I don’t go near Facebook or You Tube any more. I’m as bad as ever. I waste hours at it, still. It’s not that I actually want to – it’s definitely a kind of involuntary thing with me. I reckon that the virtual spider-eggs in my brain are telepathically controlling me…







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