Hello Trevor I said to the big black crow standing there on the path in front of me but the big black crow never looked at me. Hello Trevor I said to the park bench but the park bench never replied. Hello Trevor I said to the lady walking her dog but the lady walked right on by. Hello Trevor I said to the guy sitting on the next bench but he said nothing back. Hello Trevor I said to the trees, to the grass, to the sky, but no answer came back to me. Hello Trevor I said loudly to the world in general, starting to feel just a little bit desperate by now, but there was no acknowledgement. Everything carried on just the same. The crow had flown off. The park bench was there regardless. The lady walking her dog had gone. The guy sitting on the other bench was still sitting there, saying nothing, looking the other way, drinking his can of beer. Smoking a roll-up. The trees and the grass and the sky were just the same. The world carried on just the same as ever, imperturbable.
There is a roaring in my ears, as if I can suddenly hear the blood rushing through all the blood vessels in my head. I feel as if I might be about to pass out. Everything goes strange. Then the scene changes. The park is gone. I am standing in a forest in front of a pond. I am throwing a pebble into a pond but the pebble disappears without a splash. No satisfying splash and no satisfying ripples. Nothing. The pebble just vanishes without a trace. It never lands in the pond at all. I get the very strange feeling that I haven’t thrown the pebble. It’s as if I didn’t do it. It never happened. The act of throwing the pebble has been negated. And I am negated too I realize. That’s why I feel so strange. Not just the pebble is negated, not just the throwing of the pebble, but actually me. I’ve been negated.
It is a negation backlash I realize then. That’s what it is. This awareness (the negation-awareness) strikes me dead centre. It reverberates throughout my mind. The negation-awareness is the awareness that there was no pebble. There was no throwing of the pebble. There was no me throwing the pebble. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened…. It never happened….
The ripples of this awareness spread outwards and outwards in ever-increasing concentric circles, growing ever fainter as they move out inexorably from the centre. Moving outwards and outwards into infinity…