We’ve All Been There


I sat back in my chair, adopting what I hoped was a chilled-out, easy-going, man-of-the-world type expression on my face. Although, in retrospect, I can’t for the life of me imagine what such an expression ought to look like. Maybe I had it off at the time. After all, I’m a professional. Anyway, there I was, leaning back into the chair, trying to put the young fella sitting in the chair in front of me a bit more at ease. “Yup, we’ve all been there” I remarked with what I hoped was a knowing smile, “doing PCP all night and ending up eating your own hand because you think it’s an orange. Man that bitch really hurts the next day. When the buzz wears off and you’re wondering what the fuck happened to your hand. Right? Like, did you shut it in a heavy steel door or get in a fight with a rottweiler or fall asleep with your hand in a tank full of piranhas or what. That’s rough. And the come-down’s a real bitch too – you don’t need to tell me. I’ve been there. I know what you’re saying all right. We’ve all been in that spot, right? Shit yeah”. I took a quick glance at the guy in front of me. He definitely looked uncomfortable and I had the distinct feeling he wasn’t going to stick the session. This guy didn’t want to be here. I carried on talking because he sure as hell wasn’t going to. “Yup, I know where you’re coming from alright. Christ – we’ve all been there, right? Up all night smoking dusters and mainlining mephedrone. Doin’ too many lines of ket. Popping 2CB as if there was no tomorrow. Fuck yeah. And you get to thinking that your buddy’s an undercover agent for NOAA and so you freak out and try to kill him but you can’t because you’re too weak and then he stabs you and you jump out of the window and run away and then the next thing you know you’re being picked up by the police in the park for inappropriate sexual behaviour and they throw you into the van and take you back to the station and beat the living shyte out of you.” I smiled at the young guy knowledgeably, nodding my head soberly and stroking my chin. “Yeah that’s fucked up stuff alright. Fuck yeah. I know where you’re coming from with that alright. I’m hearing you loud and clear buddy. We’ve all been there, right? We’ve all been there. Oh yes. You bet we have. Damn right we have. Damn fucking right we have. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been there. We’ve all been…”


A circuit in my brain had burnt out.














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