Well lads, what can I say? Just the other day I was sitting in my office as usual, pretending to work, when someone messages me on the computer, through this chat-room that I happened to be on at the time, telling me that I am The One, the future Messiah of the human race no less, the one who is to awaken sleeping humanity from its trance, and deliver them from the state of consumerism-induced slavery that has been imposed upon them by the Rulers, by the Archons who control all the big corporations and all that kind of stuff. Naturally I ignored the message, thinking that it was just one of those annoying internet trolls that someone was telling me about the other day. But that very evening when I was on my way home after dossing around at work all day as usual I met this guy, this strange-looking old dude who said his name was ‘Orpheus’, and he told me that it was all true, that I really was The One. I had seen this guy around before but I had always thought that he was the caretaker or perhaps one of the patients from the long-term stay psychiatric ward, dodging the nurses by hanging out in the car-park round the back of the hospital, smoking fags and winking at people to pass the time, but it turns out that was just his cover…

Orpheus told me that I really was the one who was going to challenge the might of the Archons, those brutally predatorial overlords of a repressed and brain-washed humanity, the callous and uncaring ‘Farmers’ of the somnolent human race, who had become too obsessed with watching TV shows about celebrities and pop-stars to either realize what was happening or care. This old wierd guy Orpheus went on to explain that I had to undergo extensive training before I would be ready for this task but that there was no possibility of doubt regarding the fact that I was the Foretold One, the one whose special abilities would allow him to overthrow the horrifically powerful Archons and their loathsome human minions – the bankers and the teachers and the editors of fashion magazines and the psychiatrists and the lawyers and the CEOs of all the fucked up multinational corporations  and the corrupt politicians. He told me that if I did NOT succeed at this task then the human race would be well and truly screwed, to put it bluntly. No one else can do it…

Then he gave me a pill to take, and a lot of weird stuff happened that I can’t really explain properly. So lads, what can I say? What do you think about that?